There were 42 entries so it took me a little longer.
I'm going to give a general critique first to all the songwriters who entered. Some of you write songs that are too long. Three verses, a repeated chorus and possibly a bridge is long enough. Also, you must learn to match the meters. The meters in the first verse must match the 2nd and 3rd verses. And all choruses should be lyrically and musically alike. Hope this helps in writing your next song.
Semifinalists
A Place Where I Keep My Heart by Dana Young
Is It Deal or No Deal by Dana Young
She Doesn't Know My Heart Breaks by Mario Spinosi
Why Can't You Leave Me Alone by Dana Young
A PLACE WHERE I KEEP MY HEART
by Dana Young
I liked the emotion and imagery in this song. I changed some words to make the meters match
VERSE 1
I remember growing up (I grew up) on a small Kansas farm
A red barn and acres of wheat
An old plow and a cow, a few sittin' hens
And a tire that hung from a tree (A soda shop where friends would meet) to rhyme with wheat
CHORUS
I skipped with the sunbeams and danced in the breeze
At the place where I got my start
I have places for things like my keys and loose change
But that place is where I keep my heart
VERSE 2
We had hometown parades with floats and flags
Antique cars and a high school band
Had my own swimming hole, a homemade fishing pole
I sure loved growing up on that land
REPEAT CHORUS
VERSE 3
Sunflowers grew (tall) along (sides of) the dirt roads
Wildflowers swayed in the breeze
Butterflies curtseyed on the farmer's -fenceposts
While dragonflies skimmed across weeds
REPEAT CHORUS
IS IT DEAL OR NO DEAL
by Dana Young
This song didn't require much critiquing. I just added a word or removed one to make the meters match
VERSE 1
Now, honey, I know you've been thinking of him
And I really can't blame you at all
He has a big house and a whole lot of money
So honey, I guess it's your call
CHORUS
Cause I'm not very good at playing these games
So I'll tell you just how I feel
I'm in it to win it, do you want him or me
Baby, is it deal or no deal?
VERSE 2
I ain't got a lot to offer to you
But I'll always be by your side
You can have all my love and I'll throw in my heart
But darlin', I must keep my pride
REPEAT CHORUS
BRIDGE
I'm putting my cards on the table
I'm putting it all on the line
You gotta choose him or you gotta choose me
Now it's time to make up your mind
REPEAT CHORUS
SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS
Honorable Mention
by Mario Spinosi
I liked this song a lot but the verses were long and the chorus was also long. It has a great hook so shorten everything up and get to the punch line quicker. Also I don't recommend putting your lyric in all caps.
V-I SHE WAS STANDING IN MY DOORWAY, LIKE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE.
HER EYES WERE RED FROM CRYING, SHE CAN'T HIDE THAT ANY MORE.
HE'S CHEATED BEFORE, AND NOW HE'S DONE IT AGAIN.
AND SHE ALWAYS-COMES TO ME, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM.
V-2 WE BOTH GREW UP TOGETHER, WE WERE NEVER FAR APART.
FROM BACK YARDS TO COLLEGE, SHE WAS AL WAYS IN MY HEART.
BUT SHE LOVED ANOTHER, AND I KEPT MY FEELINGS IN.
AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM.
CHORUS' SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, SHE ONLY KNOWS THE CURE.
EVERY TIME HER HEART ACHES, SHE KNOWS THAT I'LL BE THERE.
I KNOW SHE'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, AND I KNOW I'M JUST A HER FRIEND.
AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM.
V-3 FOR JUST A WHILE I'LL HOLD HER, AND EASE OUR TROUBLED HEARTS.-
BUT SHE'LL GO BACK TO HIM, AND AGAIN I DID MY PART.
I KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HER, BUT I'LL KEEP MY LOVE WITHIN.
AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM .
REPEAT CHORUS .......
WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE
by Dana Young
This song has a different twist and I liked it. I would add a bridge giving the listener a clue to why the breakup or emphasis his ego.
V1
I'm just cruisin' around and swing by your house
And there you are in the front yard.
Well it just seems to be you're not over me
Now why must you make it so hard?
Chorus
Why can't you leave me alone
Honey why can't you just let me be
When I'm driving around allover town
You're the one that I always see.
V2
I go to the store to pick up some beer
And you're strolling down aisle number three
Wearing an old t-shirt and faded blue jeans
Lookin' just as sexy as can be.
Chorus
Why can't you leave me alone
Honey why can't you just let me be
When I'm driving around allover town
You're the one that I always see.
V3
Then I go to the bar and again there you are
Sittin' there on the barstool
It just seems to me that you're following me
Do you take me for some kind of fool?
Chorus
Why can't you leave me alone
Honey why can't you just let me be
When I'm driving around allover town
You're the one that I always see.
