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Lyricists! Here’s your chance to shine! Enter The Dallas Songwriters Quarterly Lyric Contest Entry fee is $10 per lyric.

Quarterly Entry Deadlines: Winter - March 31 * Spring - June 30 * Summer - September 30 * Fall - December 31


PRIZES TO BE AWARDED

Of course the MAIN prize is what we ALL aspire to:

RECOGNITION FOR OUR LYRICAL WORK!

ALSO: The 1st place winning lyricist receives:

A certificate, $50 cash and a 1 year DSA membership.

The 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winner's lyrics and judges critiques will be published in the DSA “Songwriters Notes” and on the DSA Website.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Winners of the 2012 Fall Lyric Contest


Semifinalists

ON THE FRONT STEPS OF A CHURCH by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
A KISS THAT NEVER ENDS by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
LITTLE PIECES  by John Thomas Lane, Monument, Co
 SAY 'WHEN' by Katherine Knecht, Citrus Heights, CA

Winners

As I type I will put in parenthesis words or phrases that I remove and type in my suggestions.

FIRST PLACE

ON THE FRONT STEPS OF A CHURCH ©2012 Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

I liked the originality of this song but I wondered if it would be better if written in third person. Obviously, if you do that you'll have to change all the I's to He's.

VERSE 1
On the front steps of a Church, they came to christen me
And gave me the name of the man I had to be
It doesn't really matter much, a name is just a word
And for the rest of my life, I became the name I heard
(If you change to 3rd person)
On the front steps of a Church, the christening party stood
And gave him the name to carry through manhood
It doesn't really matter much, a name is just a word
And for the rest of his life, he became the name he heard

VERSE 2
On the front steps of a Church, I held my newfound wife
I was feeling like a baby on the first day of my life
Everyone was (cheering) smiling, there was excitement (all around) in the air
She whispered in my ear, (but I couldn't hear a sound) we've got lots of love to share

VERSE 3
I would consolidate verse 3 & 4as you don't need that many verses
(On the front steps of a Church, I would smile every Sunday
And never miss a Mass or remember one on Monday)
On the front steps of a Church, I started Catholic school
The nuns were teaching discipline, I was acting like a fool
I listened to the sermons and took my time to pray
And hoped there was a Heaven as the years all sped away

Here's where I would add a Bridge sorta like this

Now I'm in my waning years, but my memories are clear
My life has been so full and death I will not fear

CHORUS
On the front steps of a Church, lying silent in my box
My sunny days are over now, no ticking on my clock
The moment of truth is here, I'll see what life was worth
I'm right back where I started, on the front steps of a Church

REPEAT CHORUS

SECOND PLACE

A KISS THAT NEVER ENDS ©2012 Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

This has a catchy title and is very well written. Sometimes I added a word to make meters match.
VERSE 1
Every time I look at you, I fall in love again
I'll always be your lover, always your best friend
Whenever I'm away from you, I count each moment then
Waiting for your (hungry) lips, with a kiss that never ends

VERSE 2
When you're in my arms, holding (you) each other so tight
I feel warm inside and everything's alright
What we have is (oh so) real, true love (just) can't pretend
The love I (have) feel for you is a kiss that never ends

CHORUS
A kiss that never ends, a lover for all time
I have all I need as long as you're mine
If the times get rough, there's nothing we can't mend
Our life together is a kiss that never ends

VERSE 3
Such a peaceful feeling surrounds the way we live
Sharing (what) who we are, (yet) taking time to give
I hold your loving body, feel the message that it sends
You still drive me crazy with a kiss that never ends

REPEAT CHORUS

THIRD PLACE
I usually don't critique the 3rd place winner but I liked his title and idea.  Unfortunately, the song was way too long with too many verses so it was easier for me to just rewrite the song. I tried to use your ideas and phrasing, not mine.

LITTLE PIECES ©2012 John Thomas Lane, Monument, Co

VERSE 1
You asked me to walk you down the aisle
Giving me your wonderful "hello friend" smile
It doesn't take a fortune teller to know you're in love
Or a mind reader to see...just not in love with me

VERSE 2
When he slips the ring on your finger
I'll concentrate on the wedding singer
Then I'll hug your mama, listen to her praise Jesus
But I won't tell a soul that my heart's in little pieces

CHORUS
So I'll play my usual part
I'll smile, I'll laugh, say witty things
Lift up my glass, toast you with champagne
To health and happiness that never ceases
But my heart night now is in little pieces

VERSE 3
I have a secret I'll never reveal
It's about you and love and the way I feel
I was hoping against hope that maybe someday
I would grow old with you...not give you away

REPEAT CHORUS

HONORABLE MENTION

SAY 'WHEN' by Katherine Knecht, Citrus Heights, CA

This writer is a good lyricist with good imagery but there are too many verses and 4 different choruses.  The chorus always needs to be the same to be memorable. Your chorus has 8 lines and 4 should be enough.  I* liked your first chorus the best but end it with"he'll never say "when". Try keeping your songs simple, leaving out the philosophy, and you'll create a better and more memorable song.

GOOD TITLES by Katherine Knecht, Citrus Heights, CA
FOUR WAY STOPgood Idea, cleaver lyrics, this songs needs a chorus with the catchy title.
 WHITE RIVER'S CHOKING - good metaphor 
MACKEREL SKY - another wonderful metaphor