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FALL 2014 LYRIC CONTEST WINNERS

            SEMIFINALISTS
         Bounce by John Hyden, Ralston, NE
         The Road of Life by Catherine Pitman, Tualatin, OR
         Stuff by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ    
         Angels Down The Road by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO
         Three Toed Wolf by Rio King, Plano, TX
         Hide N Watch by Rio King, Plano, TX

            WINNERS
1st Place
         The Road of Life © Catherine Pitman, Tualatin, OR
This is a song of service that is similar to other songs of this genre but is able to muster just enough of a new spin that it has very good emotional impact. The image of a light shining on a dark road of life and showing the way is very good.  The hook is in the first sentence of the lyric but it sets the stage and mood of the song.  Overall, the song has very good appeal, focus, phrasing, and form.
When the road of life grows dark and cold,
And I feel I’m all alone,
There’s a guiding light shinning bright
That will lead me home….

Countless joys and sorrows fill my life,
And at times my fears take hold,
With a little prayer God will be there,
With his love and strength of old

Chorus

I believe in Him…
He will never let me down.
I believe in him….
He comforts me,
Forgives my sin

When I feel that I have lost my way,
And life’s burdens take their toll,
I just let God in and trust in Him,
For His Love has touched my soul.

I have seen His wonders here on earth,
I have felt His power too,
He has carried me set burdens free,
With a strength steadfast and true.

Chorus

I believe in Him…
He will never let me down.
I believe in him….
He comforts me,
Forgives my sin

If your road of life grows dark and cold,
And you feel you walk alone,
Steadfast and true, God’s love for you,
Is there to lead you home.
His love will lead you home.

2nd Place   
     Stuff © Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
While it's not certain the writer intended for this song to be a blues song, it has the feel of a slow blues one and in that respect it is a good one.  It doesn't follow a standard blues form with repetitive lines so it winds up saying a more than what most blues songs do and has very good emotional impact. The song title should actually be "The Other Stuff" because the song is really about the stuff of memories that can't be physically divided when a couple splits up.

V-1 PLEASE RECONSIDER BABY, I DON’T WANT YOU TO GO
I’M NOT SURE WHY YOU’RE LEAVING, WHAT ELSE DON’T I KNOW
DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER, THE PREACHER SAID FOREVER
WE’RE STILL IN LOVE, WE JUST CAN’T LIVE TOGETHER

V-2 THEY SAY NOTHING LASTS FOREVER, AND I GUESS IT’S TRUE
YOU’VE SEEN TOO MUCH OF ME, AND I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU
TAKE YOUR HALF OF EVERYTHING, I HOPE IT’S ENOUGH
THAT PART SHOULD BE EASY, NOW ABOUT THE OTHER STUFF

CHORUS: YOU KNOW THE STUFF I’M TALKING BOUT, THE MEMORIES WE MADE
TAKE ALL THOSE BOOKS AND OUR MUSIC, EVEN HALF MY PENSION
HOW ABOUT OUR WEDDING PICTURE, DO I JUST WATCH IT FADE
NOW ABOUT THOSE MEMORIES, AND STUFF IT HURTS TO MENTION
BRIDGE: SOME STUFF DOESN’T CUT IN HALF, YOU CAN’T DIVIDE THE PAST
OR SPLIT APART THE DREAM, WE WERE SO SURE WOULD LAST
GOING THROUGH THE ATTIC TREASURES, TOGETHER WILL BE TOUGH

WE’LL GET IT DONE SOMEHOW, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER STUFF

CHORUS: YOU KNOW THE STUFF I’M TALKING BOUT, THE MEMORIES WE MADE
TAKE ALL THOSE BOOKS AND OUR MUSIC, EVEN HALF MY PENSION
HOW ABOUT OUR WEDDING PICTURE, DO I JUST WATCH IT FADE
NOW ABOUT THOSE MEMORIES, AND STUFF IT HURTS TO MENTION
3rd Place
            Hide N Watch © Rio King, Plano, TX
This is a song that puts a cute spin on an old expression that means "if you don't believe me wait and see what happens". The hook is very good and it has very good phrasing/cadence and a very good rhyme scheme.
Verse1    When I was a little shaver
        Momma didn’t need no switch
        If I wasn’t on my best behavior
        Momma promised this

Chorus1    Hide ‘n watch.  I'm gonna come and getcha
        Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna catchya you betcha
        You can run, but you can’t hide. 
        Gonna take away your pony ride.
        Hide ‘n watch
        Hide ‘n watch

Verse2        Dad just smiled when I was sixteen
        And he handed me the pickup key
        Said, Son take care of this machine
        Or you’re gonna hear from me
   
Chorus2    Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna come and getcha
        Hide ‘n watch.  I'm gonna catchya you betcha
         You can run, but you can’t hide. 
        Gonna take away your ride...

Veres3        I can’t forget the night we met
        And, working to steal a kiss
        You kept playin’ so hard to get
        So, I promised this

Chorus3    Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna come and getcha
        Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna catchya you betcha
        You can run, but you can’t hide. 
        Gonna take your heart for a ride,
        Hide ‘n watch
        Hide ‘n watch

Verse4        We've got a child that we adore
        A sweet All American miss
        When all the boys come to our front door
        I tell ‘em this

Chorus4    Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna come and getcha
        Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna catchya you betcha
        You can run, but you can’t hide. 
        And if I find out she cried

Outro        Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna come and getcha
        Hide ‘n watch.  Gonna catchya you betcha
        Hide ‘n watch.

SUMMER 2014 LYRIC CONTEST WINNERS

SEMIFINALISTS
Angels Down the Road by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO
Peace Is Not So Far Away by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ 
I Hope You Don’t Mind by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
Last Bull, Last Ride by Robert Marshall, Akron, OH
Write Me a Love Song by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
Corn Bread by Don Wall, Dallas, Tx

WINNERS
1st Place
Angels Down the Road © John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO
  This songwriter has entered the contest with this song before. This is the better version. It could still use a little tightening. But the concept is good. The imagery is strong, as in "dirty hands and angel faces," and "dinosaurs in puffy white skies." The song has good emotional impact, originality, appeal, focus, and form.
There are angels up above
That’s something we all know
And if you’re lucky enough in love
There are angels living right down the road

Right down the road
There are sand box secrets being told
Down the road
There are rainbows for chasing
Little feet for little racing
Dirty hands and angel faces
Full of life and sweet embraces
Right down the road

There’s beauty that’s lighter than the air
A beacon of sun kissed flaxen hair
Love that’s filled with good dreams
On a canvas painted peaches and cream

Down the road

Sweetness is a caramel surprise
With a pool of dark chocolate eyes
Watching clouds of butterflies fly
And finding dinosaurs in puffy white skies

Right down the road
There are sandbox secrets being told
Down the road
There are rainbows for chasing
Little feet for little racing
Dirty hands and angel faces
Full of life and sweet embraces
Right down the road

In the shadows of long summer hours
Angels are hiding behind long legged flowers
Right down the road
Rosy red roses put on a spring show
Rosy red noses when winter winds blow
And angels making angels in the snow
Right down the road
In the glow of an autumn sunset delight
Look for them with all of your might
There are angels hiding in plain sight
Right down the road

Right down the road
There are sandbox secrets being told
Down the road
There are rainbows for chasing
Little feet for little racing
Dirty hands and angel faces
Full of life and sweet embraces
Right down the road

2nd Place
But I'm Cold and Tired, I Hope You Don’t Mind © Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
    The title used was the last line of the chorus. I shortened it because it was too long and I think this is better. It leaves a little more to the imagination. The best part about this song is the story. The verses could use a little more tightening with more poignant word usage. The second line of the chorus should be dropped, it’s unnecessary. The emotional impact was high, the hook, appeal, and form good. An original song - the tightening would make it more so.                                        
             
CHORUS:  WE TALKED FOR A WHILE, AS THE STORM PASSED BY 
                    TIME WAS RUNNING OUT, IT WAS NOW OR NEVER                    
                    I WANTED TO KISS HER, BUT I WAS NERVOUS AND SHY                                       
                    I LOOKED IN HER EYES, AND SAID I NEED YOU FOREVER
                    SHE SMILED BACK, AND SAID YOU’VE BEEN VERY KIND   
                    BUT I’M COLD AND TIRED, I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND         

V-1  SHE WAS WAITING FOR A BUS, THAT NEVER DID COME
        SHE NEEDED SOME HELP NOW, AND I WAS THE ONE
        I ASKED WHAT CAN I DO, SHE SAID I NEED TO GET HOME
       WE WALKED THERE TOGETHER, SHE WOULDN’T TRY IT ALONE

V-2  RAIN WAS POURING DOWN, THUNDER CRASHING ABOVE
        BUT I DIDN’T HEAR A THING, I WAS FALLING IN LOVE 
        I HELD MY UMBRELLA, RIGHT OVER HER HEAD
       THE WIND WAS HOWLING, NOT SURE WHAT SHE SAID

V-3  WHEN WE FINALLY GOT THERE, IT WAS AWKWARD AT BEST
        SHE SAID THANKS A LOT, I IMAGINED THE REST
        MY TOUNGE WAS TIED, IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
        SHE SAID COME IN AND DRY OFF, THAT SOUNDED JUST RIGHT
                                                       
 CHORUS:  WE TALKED FOR A WHILE, AS THE STORM PASSED BY 
                    WAS RUNNING OUT, IT WAS NOW OR NEVER                    
                    I WANTED TO KISS HER, BUT I WAS NERVOUS AND SHY                                       
                    I LOOKED IN HER EYES, AND SAID I NEED YOU FOREVER 
                    SHE SMILED BACK, AND SAID YOU’VE BEEN VERY KIND   
                    BUT I’M COLD AND TIRED, I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND           

 V-4  I SLOWLY WALKED OUT, SAID GOOD BYE FROM THE DOOR
        MY MOUTH OPENED UP, BUT I COULDN’T SAY ANYMORE
        IT WAS A LONG WALK HOME, I NEEDED A FRIEND
        MAYBE TOMORROW, IT’LL BE RAINING AGAIN                         

3rd Place
Write Me a Love Song © Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
  An original take on an unoriginal idea. Reading the title I was not expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. Fortunately, the songwriter gave it only the thought required - not overthinking it and not overly simplistic. The hook, appeal, focus form and phrasing are good. A good song. With the right music and singer, it would be even better.
                                       
 CHORUS:  WRITE ME A LOVE SONG, AND MEAN EVERY WORD
                      MAKE IT THE SWEETEST, SONG EVER HEARD
                      DON’T KEEP IT SHORT, PLEASE MAKE IT LONG
                      THEN SING IT TO ME, MY OWN LOVE SONG

V-1  WRITE ABOUT ME, PUT MY NAME IN THE VERSE
         TALK ABOUT LOVE, BUT MENTION ME FIRST
         TELL THE WHOLE WORLD, JUST HOW YOU FEEL
         WRITE ME A LOVE SONG, KEEP EVERY WORD REAL

 V-2 TAKE ALL THOSE WORDS, YOU HIDE IN YOUR HEAD
        AN’ PUT THEM IN THE SONGBOOK, YOU KEEP BY YOUR BED 
         I CAN’T WAIT TO READ IT, I JUST HAVE TO SEE
         THE STORY YOU TELL, IN A SONG ABOUT ME 

 V-3  FILL UP MY SONG, WITH RHYTHM AND RYME
       SING IT ON KEY, AN’ PLAY IT IN TIME
       DON’T TRY TOO HARD, WRITE WHAT COMES TO MIND
       ALL ABOUT US, AND THE LOVE WE FIND

 V-4  WRITE ME A SONG, THAT’LL LAST ALL MY LIFE
          AND SING IT TO ME, WHEN I MAKE YOU MY WIFE
           PUT IT ON A RECORD, AN’ I’LL PAINT IT GOLD
          AND PLAY IT A MILLION TIMES, LOVE NEVER SOUNDS OLD

Winners of the 2014 Winter Lyric Contest

Semifinalists

UNSUNG HEROES by Karla Hester, Plano, TX 

J 1 Great emotional impact, appeal and truth.  Excellent rhyme scheme and phrasing.   Very good hook and originality in dealing with a subject that many people think about.  

J 2 Nice phrasing, imagery and rhythmic cadence.  Good song!!

LAST CHANCE TO DANCE IN TEXAS by Rio King, Plano, Tx

J 1  Fun and original story song about a favorite pastime in Texas.

J 2  Good song!  I want to go to see this place!!!

WHERE ARE MY KEYS by Mike Hyden, Ralston, NE

J1 Good ols song about drinking but title should be "Where's My Keys?"

J2 Nice imagery, phrasing and rhythm.

COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE by George Pucini, Las Vegas

J1 It's hard to write a good Christmas song but this one works.

J2 Good imagery

DRAW THE LINE by James DeBorde, Bluefield, VA

J2 Great song!! Good use of imagery, rhythm and cadence.

A GIRL NEEDS HER MAMA THEN by Andrew Moore, Lansing, MI

J2 Interesting subject. Nice imagery and phrasing.  I'm not sure about the word "blaspheme" in verse 1 though

THE OLD COWBOY by Charlie Scudder, Holt MO

J2 Good song….needs a bridge. Good imagery and rhyme

LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH by Harry Hewlett, Dallas, Tx

J2 Good use of imagery, form & rhythm except 2nd line in verse 2 needs to be shorter.

PIECES OF MIRROR by Doug Spears, Orlando FL

J2 Nice cadence & imagery;I would not end both verse & chorus with hook/title…save it for chorus.

THE REAR VIEW MIRROR by Carmen Logan, Lancaster, KY

J2 Like the story…good song.

THE BRIDGE by Eva Stoneroad, Fellsmire, FL

J2 Make chorus longer and end it with hook/title.

Winners

1st Place

UNSUNG HEROES by Karla Hester, Plano, TX 

He looks in the mirror, but stares into space.

Time’s taken its toll on his worn weathered face.

The medals once honored now decorate the floor,

And he cannot remember just what he fought for.

So I’m singing for the unsung heroes, the people of every day.

Yeah, I’m singing for the unsung heroes, for those who aren’t here today.

She looks in the mirror, but stares into space.

Time hasn’t been kind to her tired, broken face.

Alone with four kids, the wolves scratch at her door.

She looks at her children, they’re worth fighting for.

So I’m singing for the unsung heroes, the people of every day.

Yeah, I’m singing for the unsung heroes, for those who kiss tears away.

So stand up for those who cannot stand, look out for those who can’t see.

Speak out for those not speaking, be both the words and the melody.

You be the hero, let your voice ring, you be the one to stand and sing.

So I’m singing for the unsung heroes, the people of every day.

I’m singing for the unsung heroes, for kids dreaming futures today.

She looks at her student, he’s not making the grade.

She sees the frustration on his hard working face.

She feels like they’ve failed him, but that makes her give more.

She knows that his future is worth fighting for.

So I’m singing for the unsung heroes, the people of every day.

Yeah, I’m singing for the unsung heroes, for those changing lives today.

So I’m singing for the unsung heroes, YOU people of every day.

Yeah, I’m singing for YOU unsung heroes, for YOU who give hope today.

For YOU are our hope….today.

2nd Place

LAST CHANCE TO DANCE IN TEXAS by Rio King, Plano, Tx

Verse1 Ramblin around on the back roads

Out near the Texas state line

Drove up on a weathered old beer joint

With a faded, hand-painted sign      (That read)

Chorus1 Last chance to dance in Texas

Hear the fiddler play the Bandera Waltz

See the big record star, playin' guitar

Singin' of love won and lost

Don't miss his solid gold record

Hangin' right there on the wall,    (It's the)

Last chance to dance in Texas

At the Last Chance Dance Hall

Verse2 Stepped in the dim, empty barroom

And asked the old man for a beer

I said if you don't mind me askin'

Tell me how did you wind up out here         (He said)

Chorus2 The last dance we played in Texas

My wife sang the "I've Had It Waltz"

Said take your guitar, you big record star

Your booze and your fame and get lost

I begged her, "Forgive my poor record."

She said, "It's a borderline call.

It's your last chance dance in Texas

At the Last Chance Dance Hall."

Verse3 Too many years in the bottle,   

Ended in this parkin' lot

We stayed and we played 'til we paid for the place

Now it's all that we've got

Chorus3 It's the last chance to dance in Texas

Where my wife fiddles "Bandera Waltz"

And the son of the star plays a red-hot guitar

And the daughter-in-law is the boss

Somewhere there's a tarnished gold record

I think it's in the last Women's stall

It's the last chance to dance in Texas

At the Last Chance Dance Hall

Verse4 Next time you're out on the border

And slide through the crowd for a beer

Just ask the first pretty lady

Can a cowboy get a dance around here

Chorus4 It's the last chance to dance in Texas

Where the fiddler plays the "Bandera Waltz"

See the young record star, pick a red hot guitar

And you two-step 'til your troubles get lost

In a booth in the back the old couple

Smile every time they recall

Their last chance dance in Texas

At the Last Chance Dance Hall

Outro It's the last chance to dance in Texas

At the Last Chance Dance Hall

  

3rd Place

WHERE ARE MY KEYS by Mike Hyden, Ralston, NE

VERSE 1

She said to go, in Idaho

She said at least we tried

She needed space, it was her place

So I thought I'd take a ride

It wasn't far, I found a bar, a temporary friend

No clue on what to do or where it would end

VERSE 2

With time to kill, I drank until

The day turned into night

I had my fill, but kept on still

I went down without a fight

In such a blur, I wasn't sure of anything but that

My fate's to leave this state and never look back

CHORUS:

Where are my car keys

Where’s my car

Well I'm absolutely positive

They might be at this bar

Her memory and my Mercury

Have driven me this far

Where are my car keys

Where’s my car

VERSE 3

I had to try to drink 'em dry

From Boise to Cheyenne

There is no worse a poor man's curse

Than to be without a plan

Hit every dive, I-25, from there to Santa Fe

Last call for alcohol, I'd call it a day

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE:

I can't recall the day, the time

Of when I crossed the Texas line

Fort Worth's as good a place as I'll ever find

For now I think I'll settle here

It’s all becoming much too clear

That I'll never, ever drive her out of my mind

REPEAT CHORUS

Honorable Mention 

COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE by George Pucini, Las Vegas, NV

Snuggled side by side -

Sleigh-ride thru the snow -

Caroling as we go -

on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

Snowmen that we meet

Wave as we go by -

Wink a charcoal eye -

on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

Candle light thru windows

Flick'ring on the snow -

Up above a Christmas moon

To guide us as we go

Down snow-covered lanes -

Gliding thru the night...

Nobody else in sight

on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

2nd Bridge

My head on your shoulder -

Your hand holding mine...

If I steal a kiss or two

I know you wouldn't mind...

Such a lucky me

Being here with you -

Nothing I'd rather do -

on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

CODA

Later on I'll hold you,

Warming by a fire...

        You and me on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

        You and me on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

        You and me on A COUNTRY CHRISTMAS EVE...

        (Fade)...  

Winners of 2013 Fall Lyric Contest

SEMIFINALISTS

He Didn't Need Much by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

Mr. James Brown and Me by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO

Three Feet Tall by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

There's Still Some Cowboy Somewhere in Me by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

A Whole Lot More Than Strangers by Paul Bernstein, Ann Arbor, MI

The Real Thing by Paul Bernstein, Ann Arbor, MI

Too Late Now by Paul Kostal, Brisbane, Australia

Rambler From Tascosa by Paul Bernstein, Ann Arbor, MI

FIRST PLACE

A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN STRANGERS Paul Bernstein, Ann Arbor, MI

 Judge 1

This is an interesting song and I didn't change much. I'll put in parenthesis what I'm taking out and replacing with another line. I changed a few lines to make meters match.

VERSE 1

The wine was flowing freely

The band was paying loud

I guess it's true that we both knew

What this was all about

Now the party's over

There's no need to pretend

We're a whole lot more than strangers

And a whole lot less than friends

CHORUS

We're a whole lot more than strangers

The way we loved last night

Now I don't know which way to go

Or how to make it right

It's a long, long way from lonely

To get to where we've been

We're a whole lot more than strangers

And a whole lot less than friends

VERSE 2

I watch you move (around) in the room

I watch you brush your hair

And slowly go to pick up clothes

All scattered everywhere

(Could this be the beginning

Or the beginning of the end)

Is this the beginning

Or is this going to end

We're a whole lot more than strangers

And a whole lot less than friends

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge 2

 A country type song with an interesting take on a one night stand situation that make you think about what direction such things might go.  I like the comination of a tongue-in-cheek expression like "we're a whole lot more than strangers" with the expression of sadness of being "a whole lot less than friends" at the same time.  Excellent phrasing and cadence and rhyme scheme, with good originality, emotional impact, appeal, focus and form.

Judge 3

Great use of imagery and phrasing.  

SECOND PLACE

HE DIDN'T NEED MUCH by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

Judge 1

I liked the poetic imagery of this song.

VERSE 1

As I stroll through the graveyard, all is peaceful and quiet

(It puts things in perspective, watching the sunset at twilight)

I gaze at the sky, watch the sunset at twilight

The leaves swirl around in the cool autumn breeze

And I stop at his headstone and drop to my knees

CHORUS

Oh, he didn't need much, just a home and some land

Friends around a campfire and a beer in his hand

He was somebody's son, somebody's brother

He was somebody's hero, and (a country life) somebody's lover

VERSE 2

I used to sit on his porchstep while he strummed his guitar

We'd sip a little Jack from a Mason fruit jar

He liked to watch Gunsmoke with his little old mutt

If he could see me cry now, he'd say ('Hey) "cowboy up"

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

He never cared much about fortune or fame

He'd say "rich men and poor men, they all bury the same"

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge 2 

 A country style song with excellent phrasing and cadence and rhyme scheme.  Good emotional impact, appeal,focus and form.

THIRD PLACE - TIE

THERE'S STILL SOME COWBOY, SOMEWHERE IN ME by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Judge 1

I loved the 1st verse but the 2nd verse needs to stick to the truck theme and the meters don't match. Remember, all the meters in the 2nd and 3rd verse need to match the 1st verse.  It's a cute song, it just needs a little improving.

Judge 2 

Good emotional impact and originality.

Judge 3

Good imagery, form. Like the cowboy wandering theme.

TOO LATE NOW by Paul Kostal, Brisbane, Australia

 Judge 2

A country style song with excellent emotional impact, phrasing and rhyme scheme, good originality.

Judge 3

This song drew me in from the start.  Very realistic subject matter, originality and phrasing as well.

HONORABLE MENTION

THREE FEET TALL by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

I loved the 1st two lines and think you need to combine those lines with the last 2 lines in the 2nd verse.  Then make this child more interesting in the other verses. The chorus is good but in the last line, change "that's" for "who's"

 Judge 3 

Needs a chorus between vs 1&2…add a bridge?

Thanks to Lyric Contest Director Nancy Rynders and Judges, Michael Brandenberger and Gigi Gostas

Winners of the 2013 Summer Lyric Contest

SEMIFINALISTS

Sizzlin" by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

Handle With Care by Mario Spinosi, Eynon, PA

Friends by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Time Is An Illusion by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Arms Stronger Than Mine by Rachael Hughes, Markville, MN

Lunchbox Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

There's A Pill for That by Sarah Ashley, Maryville, TN

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

HANDLE WITH CARE

J1) This is a clever title and a fairly well written song. I put in parenthesis the word or phrases I'd leave out and replace them with my words.  Also, I made the teenagers older.

J2) Sweet song, nicely done. Why does 3rd verse have only 4 lines instead of 6? Could it be stronger with two more good lines? Overall, a nice generatiol cycle of lessons passed down.

J3) Good impact, hook, originality and appeal; very good focus and form, excellent phrasing.

VERSE 1

She was barely (eighteen) nineteen with a child of her own

She was out in the world, now she's living back home

(She) Cries out to her mom, what chance does he have

How can he grow up without knowing his dad

How can he survive with  this burden to bare

Her mother just said, "handle with care"

CHORUS

Handle with care, just treat him right

He's yours to love for the rest of your life

Be  there for him, show him love is to share

And he'll turn out right if you handle with care

VERSE 2

She watched as he grew, she watched and she prayed

She did what she could to keep the promise she made

Now he's barely (eighteen) twenty and he just met a girl

He says to his mom, "she's all I want in this world

What can I do to keep her love always there"

All that she said was "handle with care"

CHORUS 2  usually the chorus is the same throughout the song

Handle with care, just treat her right

She's yours to love for the rest of your life

Be there for her, show her love is to share

And you'll keep her love, if you handle with care

VERSE 3  I would make this a bridge because you only have 4 lines and verse 1 and 2 have 6 lines.  You have to have the same number of lines in each verse or you could add 2 more lines

Now he's holding his son, like his mother once did

He says to his mom, "I'll be there for him

I'll teach him to love and I'll teach him to share

I'll do what you did, I'll handle with care"

CHORUS 3

I'll handle with care, I'll just treat him right

He's mine to love for the rest of my life

I'll be there for him and show him love is to share

I'll do what she did, I'll handle with care

Repeat last line for emphasis

SECOND PLACE

SIZZLIN'

J1) This is a cute song with lots of imagery but make sure your meters match

J2) Very fun, well structured, nice wordplay. Only minor suggestions to consider: Use sizzlin' instead of flaming in 1st line of chorus so you get a repeat of your title word to drive it home. Reading the lines makes it sound like a few extra syllables could be omitted for a stronger rhythm (e.g. omit country and ever from 3rd line of chorus and rhythm is stronger), but I know this ultimately depends on how it is sung as to how well it works. Nice job.

J3) Good impact, appeal and focus; very good hook and originality; excellent phrasing and form

VERSE 1

We're sitting on the bank, fishing at the creek

Our lines dangling in the water and so are our feet

The sun is shining bright on our favorite spot

When you turn to me and say "baby, I'm hot"

CHORUS

Yeah, you're flaming, smoking fiery red hot

Like steam rising up from a boiling pot

You're the sexiest thing this country boy has ever seen

Kicking your feet in that cool, cool stream

And when you kiss my lips, I can almost hear them hissin'

Cause sssss...baby you're sizzlin'

VERSE 2

(You hit me on the shoulder) You turn around and say "that's not what I mean"

Then you roll up your (pantlegs) jeans and wade out in the stream

Splashing water on your body, then you take off your top

You look at me and say "I'm really, really hot"

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE ...I would make this VERSE 3

Now I know what you mean, I know what you're saying

It's a warm, warm day, a good day for playing

So let's work up a sweat, then go skinny dipping

Cause you're so doggone hot, (it makes me) I feel like strippin'

REPEAT CHORUS

I would add a

TAG

Come on, baby, heat up my arms

Maybe we'll set off some fire alarms

Cause sssss...baby, you're sizzlin'

THIRD PLACE

ARMS STRONGER THAN MINE

J1) This is a good song with a lot of meaning but you need to work on the structure. For example, Verse 1, 2,3 and 4 all have a different number of lines.  Also, the meters need to match in all verses because the music would demand it.  It's a great idea and has good imagery but structurally it wouldn't adapt to music.

J2)  Hook is OK, but verses rambles, and say the same thing over and over rather than building emotion. Same words keep repeating (storm, torn, rain, burden), which should warn that same ideas keep repeating. Focus the story, and build it. 

HONORABLE MENTION

LUNCH BOX

J1)  This song has a lot of possibilities but it needs work.  No songs (except maybe hymns) have 7 verses so you need to shorten it.  The 1st verse is good and verse 4 is good. Unless a verse adds needed info to a song, it isn't needed.  Keep working on it!

 J2) Analogy of the rose is inconsistent. The rose dies in the first line, but love, which is LIKE the rose, does not die. ?? Song needs focus, consistency and clarity. See Bette Midler's "The Rose" for similar idea expressed more clearly.

 Semifinalist Comments

FRIENDS

J2)  Are friends permanent or temporary? This song implies both, lamenting how they may be temporary but advocating for permanence. But the way it shuttles back and forth between these two ideas is unsatisfying.

J3) Good impact, hook, originality and phrasing.

TIME IS AN ILLUSION  

J2) OK idea, but lacks focus and strong impact. Look at Pink Floyd "Time" lyrics for similar idea. Explore if there may be more emotionally deep examples you could express about HOW time is an illusion without just repeating the phrase.

J3)  Good impact, hook, originality and phrasing.

THERE'S A PILL FOR THAT

J2)  Really like this idea and how it is carried out. Just a few weak lines could be boosted, e.g.. "Feeling sad is a bore"(when the previous verse is about physical ailment, not feelings) and "Make the rough places plain" seems weaker than it shold be.

J3) Very good originality.

Winners of the Spring 2013 Lyric Contest

SEMIFINALIST

She's All Texas by Tom Ruffen, Burnaby, BC, Canada 

Cowboys And Redskins Are In Town by Mary Hughes, Springtown, TX 

Three Hearts And One Diamond by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

Flower Mound by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO 

Silver Cadillac by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Two O'Clock In The Morning by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Force of Nature by John Walsh, Sydney, NSW, Australia 

Morning Star by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO

Weep For The Innocent by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

Judge 1: This is a cleverly written song with lots of imagery

Judge 3:  I like the descriptions of an imaginary rip-roaringTexas woman.  Lots of word pictures and stereotypes about Texas and maybe a little overdone but entertaining.  Song is somewhat long but rhyme scheme and phrasing are good and overall appeal is good.

SHE'S ALL TEXAS

VERSE 1

In the lone star state I've found a girl

Sweetest thing there is in this here world

Bluebonnet eyes, sunflower hair

Curves like the Pedernales and twice as fair

Alone the Pecos or the Rio Grande

You got to know that I'm a happy man

From the panhandle to the piney woods

You can bet your saddle, my life is good

CHORUS

Oh she's all Texas, that lovely gal of mine

Houston, there's no problem, she loves me all the time

VERSE 2

She'll say "Howdy" and invite you in

Deep in her heart is where the west begins

She can set a table and rustle up grub

Every single thing she makes is made with love

Chicken fried steak with sausage gravy

Her crumblin' cornbread'll drive you crazy

Homegrown Texas, you know what I mean

She's got eighteen ways to fix a pinto bean

BRIDGE

Oh, she'll knock my boots when the mood is right

Thank my lucky stars she's with me every night

I got lassoed in El Paso and hitched in Sugar Land

Honeymooned in Dallas where we (blindfolded) danced to the band.  I didn't understand this line

REPEAT CHORUS

I would leave the next verse out because the song is too long

VERSE 3

Her daddy left her a rifle and Bowie knife

Colt forty-five and his way of life

She's planted cotton and drilled for oil

Earned an honest living from her daily toil

Seen dust devils and months without rain

Flashin' floods and Gulf hurricanes

In tornado alley, she hunkers down

Then helps her neighbors for miles around

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE4

She can shoe a horse, fix a pickup truck

Catch a catfish, dress a white tail buck

Wears a ten-gallon hat, raises Longhorn cattle

She hears fightin' words, there's gonna be a battle

"Cause she never forgets the old Alamoo

It's in her blood and she won't let it go

Don't mess with Texas, not my Botton Bowl Queen

Or her spurs'll kick your can down to Abilene

REPEAT CHORUS

SECOND PLACE

Judge 3: I like the feel and word pictures about a fine car and the allusions to a woman.  The rhyme scheme was good but the chorus should appear earlier in the song, after the second verse.  The rhyming of "automobile" and "feel" in the chorus is good but the cadence gets off with too many syllables in "like no other automobile" which could be changed to "a fine automobile".  Originality was good even though the song seems somewhat akin to "Pink Cadillac"  Overall it has good appeal and is a fun song.

Judge 2: Comments below.

 "SILVER CADILLAC" 

V-1 SHES A SILVER CADILLAC, THE STAR OF MY DREAMS 

A SLEEK CRUISE MISSLE, MY FLYING MACHINE 

SHE'S HELL ON WHEELS, THE FASTEST EVER SEEN 

AND BURNS UP THE ROAD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 

V-2 SHES POETRY IN MOTION, SOFT ON THE INSIDE 

HER BODY DRAPED IN CHROME, GIVES A HEA-VEN-LY RIDE 

SHE SITS IN MY DRIVEWAY, JUST WAITING FOR ME 

AND COMES ALIVE, WHEN I TURN ON HER KEY 

(I suggest something like: My baby comes alive when I turn her key

  or My baby starts to purring when I turn key key - these might sing easier)

(I would put a chorus at this point)

V-3 SITTING IN MY CADILLAC, WE GLUIDE THROUGH THE NIGHT 

SHE SMOOTHS EVERY BUMP, MAKES EVERYTHING RIGHT 

NOTHING EVER LOOKED SO GOOD, OR TOOK ME SO FAR 

AS THAT SILVER CADILLAC, MY BEAUTIFUL CAR 

V-4 THERES NOTHING ELSE LIKE HER, MAKE NO MISTAKE 

SHE'S A SILVER CADILLAC, THE BIGEST ONE THEY MAKE 

LIFE'S A LONG ROAD, THAT I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF 

WHEN I'M IN THAT CADDY, I DON'T NEED NOBODY ELSE 

CHORUS: SHES A SILVER CADILLAC, LIKE NO OTHER AUTOMOBILE 

IF YOU TOOK HER FOR A RIDE, YOU'D KNOW HOW I FEEL 

WHEN I TAKE HER OUT TONIGHT, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK 

I'LL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE, WITH MY SILVER CADILLAC 

( I would slightly reword V-5 and make it a bridge with a musical change)

V -5 I ALWAYS DESIRED THAT CAR, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY 

I JUST HAD TO HAVE, HER, BEFORE THE DAY I DIE 

THERE'S NO FANCY LEXUS, OR BUICK THAT WILL DO 

IT HAS TO BE THAT CADILLAC, AND SHE'S GONNA BE YOU 

REPEAT CHORUS

THIRD PLACE  - Three way tie

Judge 1: Comments below

COWBOYS AND REDSKINS ARE IN TOWN

I've changed some wording but I like the title and story

VERSE 1

She said "come here, got something for you

(Do you) feel like snuggling (cause I sure want to)

I said "not now, it'll have to wait (not today)

Cowboys and Redskins are 'bout to play"

CHORUS

I can't believe I turned her down

But the Cowboys and Redskins are in town

It's two minutes 'till kick off time (remove this line)

Done popped a tab, kicked back in my chair

In two minutes they're on the air

Any other time but not night now

Cowboys and Redskins are in town

VERSE 2

Oh Lord, how lucky can one guy be

She cooks and cleans, gladly waits on me

(The washes my truck then rubs my back

Says she's happy living in this old shack)  No woman would do or say that!

If I ask, she'll rub my back

She puts me first, that's a fact

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

I'd change this bridge from

Wonder if she planned the perfect time to get that game off my mind

I'd do anything in the world for her but today football's gonna come first

to

Lovins' always on my mind

But this is not the perfect time

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge 2: Comments below

"TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING" 

V-I IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING(I would not water down the hook by using it here

maybe something like: After another night of trying, I'M SITTING HERE ALL ALONE 

THE REST OF THE BAR IS EMPTY, EVERYONE ELSE HAS GONE HOME 

IT MAKES ME FEEL SO LONELY, TO BE HERE BY MYSELF 

I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, THERE MUST BE SOMEBODY ELSE 

V-2 I THOUGHT I MADE A FRIEND TONIGHT, SHE SEEMED SO NICE TO ME 

BUT SHE HAD TO GO AWAY, TO SOME PLACE SHE'D RATHER BE 

AND I SAW AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE, WE SAT AND TALKED FOR A WHILE 

BUT SHE COULDN'T STAY VERY LONG, SHE JUST LEFT ME WITH A SMILE 

CHORUS: IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, THERE'S A POUNDING INSIDE MY HEAD 

(might sing better as: It's two o'clock in the morning, there's a pounding in my head)

I DRANK TOO MUCH TONIGHT, IN THE MORNING I'LL FEEL LIKE I'M DEAD

(maybe: I drank too much tonight, in the morning I will regret)

I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME, AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS SORROW 

(I need some help with the sorrow, someone to help me forget)

THIS IS MY LAST TWO OCLOCK, I WONT BE BACK HERE TOMORROW

(maybe: It's two o'clock in the morning, There's a pounding in my head

this might help to reiterate the hook)

V-3 IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, ( again, let the hook stand in the chorus

maybe, I'm getting tired of living, IN THIS COLD, EMPTY TOWN 

THE PIMPS, DRUNKS AND COPS, ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE AROUND 

I SHOULD BE HOME BY NOW, BUT THERE'S NO ONE WAITING FOR ME 

I CAN'T WOK AT THOSE WALLS TONIGHT, AT LEAST OUT HERE I FEEL FREE 

V-4 I ONCE HAD A STEADY GIRLFRIEND, WE WENT EVERYWHERE TOGETHER

UNTIL SHE FOUND SOMEBODY  (someone might sing better)  ELSE, THAT I GUESS SHE THOUGHT WAS BETTER

THE COPS PULL ME OUT OF MY CAR, THEY KNOW ME AND GIVE ME A WARNING

I'M DRUNK AND ALONE AGAIN, IT'S TWO OCLOCK IN THE MORNING 

REPEAT CHORUS: 

Judge 3: I like the simplicity of the song and it's emotional impact about love and innocence lost but the need to keep trying to find it.  The beginning of the chorus could drop "We" and just start with "weep" so the title and hook would align.  The rhyme pattern was good though there was a bit of stretch in rhyming "horizon" and "trying" in the second verse.  Phrasing and cadence were good as well as originality and overall appeal.

WEEP FOR THE INNOCENT 

VI: I sit by the window and let my tears fall 

Wondering just how I'll get through it all 

I can't change the past, can't shake off the sorrow 

So I'll just pray for a better tomorrow. 

CH: We weep for the innocent and their years swept away 

May the moon and the sta~ light up their way 

We mourn for the world lost in dull shades of gray 

May the moon and the stars light up its way. 

VII: I fall to my knees and shake my fists at the sky 

But there are no answers when I ask Him why 

I see faces of angels above the horizon 

So with each breaking dawn, I must keep on trying. 

CH: We weep for the innocent and their years swept away 

May the moon and the stars light up their way 

We mourn for the world lost in dull shades of gray 

May the moon and the stars light up its way. 

BR: The wind has no force if its path is clear 

A lion's roar has no strength, if there's no one to hear 

Love has no meaning if it doesn't last 

Why hope for the future if its lost in the past. 

CH: We weep for the innocent and their years swept away 

May the moon and the stars light up their way 

We mourn for the world lost in dull shades of gray 

May the moon and the stars light up its way. 

Honorable Mention  - Two way tie

Judge 2: Comments below.

Force of Nature 

She’s two kinds of trouble

A double threat - country bred, city cred (might find a better rhyme)

Born and raised on sunshine and Jesus

A hometown girl, with a downtown life

Moonshine shots and Bacardi breezers

She’s all woman but she’s no man’s wife

She’s a force of nature

She’s a force of nature

A category 5, certified widow maker

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

She’ll lay you bare like a Texas twister

Beware ( of ) that southern sister

She’ll light you up like a flash grenade

One night together you’ll never forget her

You’ll think your soul’s been saved

One more guy she’ll never remember

She’s a force of nature

She’s a force of nature

A category 5, certified widow maker

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

Bridge

Maybe the force be with me

I’m giving it a shot

If I crash and burn

At least I’ll know

I gave it all I got

She’s a force of nature

She’s a force of nature

A category 5, certified widow maker

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

  THREE HEARTS-AND ONE DIAMOND 

VI: My heart was racing, I was gonna propose 

In my pocket I carried a ring 

But in that dimly lit room, I saw you with him 

Then I knew this king lost his queen. 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, I was dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away. 

VII: Deep down I knew you'd been thinking of him 

l1e was always the love of your life 

And when you leaned over, and the two of you kissed 

It cut through my heart like a knife. 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, I was dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away 

VIII: I should have noticed the signs, should've known you were cheating 

You had an ace up your sleeve 

I was playing with a deck of fifty-one cards 

Guess you could call me naive. 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, I was dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away. 

BR: But then I turned back around and walked over to you 

I placed that ring in your palm 

I folded your hand, tipped my hat at your friend 

And sa!d, "mister it looks like you won." 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, rwas dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away.