2012 Spring Lyric Contest Winners

1st Place

     He Was The Whole World to Me by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

VI: I used to sit with grandpa in his old porchswing
And listen to the cricket's serenade
He'd whittle on a stick, wearing old overalls
As we sipped on our sweet lemonade

VII: I remember watching the evening sun
Melt into the distant oak trees
Then God would snap on His heavenly lights
And send us a cool autumn breeze

CH: He was just a dirt farmer with a plow and a cow
But his heart was as big as the sea
He didn't mean much to the rest of the world
But he was the whole world to me

VIII: He told me stories of his childhood past
And I listened with a reverent air
The next morning I'd wake up tucked in my bed
Never remembering just how I got there.

CH: He was just a dirt farmer with a plow and a cow
But his heart was as big as the sea
He didn't mean much to the rest of the world
But he was the whole world to me

BR:         We have to let go of the ones we love
For from this world they must part
But when they leave us with sweet memories
They will always live on in our heart.

CH: He was just a dirt farmer with a plow and a cow
But his heart was as big as the sea
He didn't mean much to the rest of the world
But he was the whole world to me.

2nd Place 

    Corner Bar by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

        

                                                                                                            

                 V-1  A YOUNG MAN ON HIS WAY FROM WORK, STOPS AND PARKS HIS CAR

                                                                                                       

                         HE’S LOOKING FOR SOME ACTION, AND GOES IN THE CORNER BAR

                                                                                                                

                         NONE OF HIS FRIENDS ARE THERE, JUST AN OLD MAN SITTING ALONE

                                                                                                                       

                         BUT HE REALLY WANTS A BEER, AND IT’S TOO EARLY TO GO HOME

                V-2  HE SAYS HEY POP HOW Y’A DOING, AND THE OLD MAN TIPS HIS HAT

                        WOULD Y’A LIKE A DRINK OLD TIMER, AND HE SAYS I’D LIKE THAT

                        SO THEY SAT DOWN TOGETHER, AND TALKED FOR A WHILE

                       THEY HAD A LOT IN COMMON, AND MADE EACH OTHER SMILE

               V-3  THE YOUNG MAN ASKED, HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS CORNER BAR

                        THE OLD MAN JUST SMILED, SAID I DON’T LIVE FAR

                        MY KID’S MOVED AWAY, AND MY EYES TOO BAD TO DRIVE  

                       I’VE GOT NOWHERE TO GO, AND FEW FRIENDS ALIVE

                                                                                                                        

   CHORUS:  SO I COME TO THIS CORNER BAR, AND ON A STOOL I SIT

                                                                                                                       

                        AND DRINK AWAY MY LIFE, WHATEVER’S LEFT OF IT

                                                                                                    

                        PEOPLE PITY ME, AND THEY SAY WHAT A SHAME

                                                                                                               

                        BUT I LIKE IT HERE, EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME 

               V-4  THE YOUNG MAN ASKS,  HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE OLD

                       AND THE OLD MAN ASSURES HIM, NOT AS BAD AS YOU’RE TOLD

                       I RELIVE MY YOUTH AT NIGHT, WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES

                       I’M A YOUNG MAN AGAIN, AND MY SPIRIT REVIVES

              V-5  BUT I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, TO FIND IT’S JUST A DREAM

                      MY BONES ARE STILL ACHING, AND LIFE’S WHAT IT SEEMS

                      NOW EVERY DAY’S A JOURNEY, THAT I DON’T WANT TO END

                      I HOPE YOU’LL STOP BY AGAIN, TO SEE ME MY FRIEND

                      

REPEAT CHORUS: 

2012 Spring Lyric Contest Semifinalists

Semifinalists

 He Was The Whole World to Me by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

 Just About Us by Mike Brandon, Joplin, MO

 Songs From Home by Matt Stemme, Castiac, CA

 Corner Bar by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ 

The Life We Know and Love by Roy Williams, Woodbridge, ONT, Canada

 So Many Dreams by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

 Salesman by Ryan Eichenwald, Dallas, Tx

 Under The Canopy by Mitchell Kopnick, Janesville, WI

 A Yard Full of Weeds by Dana Young, Anthony, KS 

Nothing Changes Life Like Living by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Judges comments about semifinalists:

He Was The Whole World to Me - J1: good rhyme scheme, J2: Lyrics have emotional appeal. Sweet lyrics. Good form, rhyme and meter.  Could not really see much to change. J3: Well written, tells a good story, has emotional impact.

 Just About Us - J1: near rhymes

 Songs From Home -  J1: very homey

Corner Bar -  J1: good rhyme scheme. J2: Good story line with emotional appeal. Good meter/rhyme. I would re-position the chorus after 2nd verse and 4th verse and end it with the 5th verse to create better flow of song. J3: good idea, good story, too many verses. Try combining 1st and 2nd verse into one verse with more impact.

So Many Dreams - J2: Has emotional impact. Good structure/ rhyme/meter.

 Salesman - J 2: Good form. Rhyme scheme could use a little help. Interesting point of view of the life of a salesman.

Under The Canopy -  J2: Really like the lyrics. Rhyme and meter works, but unsure about the form and structure - there is no chorus or bridge, but could work.

A Yard Full of Weeds - J3: Good imagery, cleverly written, original

 Nothing Changes Life Like Living - J3: Too long to the chorus. Move chorus up to after 2nd verse

Some good titles:

All Drinks Aside by Michael Junek, Cameron, TX

Dirt From Your Jeans by Gino Loti, W. Palm Beach, FL

Kiss Me Before I Flat Line by Michelle Jenkins, Bolivar, MO

Dentures For Sale or Rent, by Michelle Jenkins, Bolivar, MO. - written to the tune of "King of the Road", is very funny and a good way to practice writing lyrics by picking a popular song. We did an exercise of writing to the "Let I Be" melody at one of the DSA meetings .

2012 Winter Lyric Contest Winners

We had entries from the US, UK, Australia & Canada.

SEMIFINALISTS

Saints & Sinners by John Walsh, Sydney Australia

You've Caught a Keeper by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

Will Two Rights Make A Wrong? by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

An App For You by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

Acre of You by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx

Ariel - No Guns & Such by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx

WINNERS

I will critique as I type.  Parenthesis means remove the word.

FIRST PLACE

WILL TWO RIGHTS MAKE A WRONG?

   by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

This is a clever song and I couldn't find much to change which is why it took First Place 

VERSE 1

Well, I was raised up to believe

Two wrongs won't make a right

So is it wrong for us to meet

And hold each other tight tonight

Your man used (you) and abused you

Now that sure as hell was wrong

My wife cheated on me many times

While stringing me along

PRE CHORUS

Here we are in a hotel room

Starved for love but also scared

That tomorrow we'll feel guilty

About the lovin' that we shared

CHORUS  A little too long since your verses are long

Will two rights make a wrong?

That's the question on our minds

I'm right for you, you're right for me

And we've left two wrongs behind

(We've earned the right to be here

Right here's (right) where we belong)

Will we start something right tonight..or

Will two rights make a wrong?

VERSE 2

Let me make a sweet suggestion

Since we're singing the same song

Let's place our bets against regrets

We've been hurtin' way too long

I ache to touch and hold you

(The)My lovin' feelin' is so strong

I say let's kiss and take the risk

Two rights won't make a wrong

REPEAT PRE CHORUS AND CHORUS

TAG

Yeah, let's find out without a doubt

Will two rights make a wrong?

Judge #2 - Catchy lyrics. Really liked the chorus. 

SECOND PLACE

This is also a cute song that didn't need changing.

AN APP FOR YOU

  by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

VERSE 1

I watch you swivel by

And it's love at first look

Gonna try to meet you

By hook or by crook

VERSE 2

 (Popping) Flipping open the cover

Of my mobile device

Hoping it will help me

By offering advice

RAMP

Looking hard for an app 

That will give me a clue

On how to catch your eye

I need an APP FOR YOU

CHORUS

Got apps for sports and movies

Music,games and book reviews

Apps for figuring my taxes

Weather reports, daily news

Apps for almost anything

I can think of, yes, it's true

But to download your sweet love

Gotta find an APP FOR YOU

VERSE 3

An app just for you, babe

Social networks won't do

I'm begging my touch screen

To show an APP FOR YOU

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge #2  - Great idea for a song, but I would change a couple of lines in the first verse, "I watch you walk by, and its love at first sight, gonna try to meet you, I hope its tonight", 2nd verse, first line, I would say "I flip open my mobile device". The rest of the song works pretty well.

THIRD PLACE

I usually don't critique the third place winner but it's a fun song and I had some suggestions.

YOU'VE CAUGHT A KEEPER

  by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

VERSE 1

First you play me like a fish

And you've really got the knack

Every time you catch me

You find something that I lack

Don't know why you (try to) treat me

Like the one that got away

(I'd like it better if you angled

For a way to make me stay)

Why don't you just throw out a line

As a way to make me stay

VERSE 2

Been hoping that you'll keep me

Finish reelin' in my heart

I took the bait you offered

You've played me from the start

Am I just (too small) not right for keepin'

(Or too much for you to pack)

I need to know the facts

Why (do) you keep on fishin'

If you're (just) gonna throw me back

RAMP  Leave this out.  Your verses are long and it would be better if you could shorten them to 6 lines.

CHORUS  Needs to be shorter with the "hook" up front

I've got a better idea

Take me home tonight

Get hooked on each other

Give up without a fight

Take our own sweet time

To set our hooks in deeper

Let me ease your mind

YOU'VE CAUGHT A KEEPER

MY CHORUS

Yeah, You've caught a keeper

Why can't you see

In no time at all

You'll be hooked on me

Cause I'm a keeper

Yeah, You caught a keeper

Leave Verse 3 out

VERSE 4 (3 now)

If you try me, you might like me

I'm not fishy like you think

But I'm tired of getting caught

And (then) thrown back in the drink

(I'll even let you take my photo

Pin it up with a thumbtack

To remind you of the big one

That you didn't throw back)

I think you might be sorry

If you throw me back someday

Cause I'll just take off swimming

You let the best one get away

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge #2 - Hook is great. Lost me on the ramp & verse 3 & 4. I would not make reference to the lake or swimming, instead I would make reference as to what a great catch you are and she'd be a fool to  let you go - catch and release angle. I would also do some re-phrasing in verse 4 & 5. But overall good start on some "catchy" lyrics

HONORABLE MENTION

SAINTS and SINNERS 

                  by John Walsh, Sydney Australia 

I really liked the first verse and chorus. I would rewrite the other verses leaving references to religion out.  

HONORABLE MENTION

ACRE OF YOU 

by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx

The lyrics of this song caught my attention, simple but had impact.

Ariel - No Guns & Such by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx

Really like this song. Very poetic. Form is good.

WINNERS OF THE 2011 FALL LYRIC CONTEST

Semifinalists

We'll Go Away As Friends by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Shadows on the Wall by George Puccini, Las Vegas, NV

Body Surfing by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

In A Heartbeat by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

All of You by Jenifer Christmas, Arverne, NY

Don't Play That Song by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

My Momma, (She Really Loved To Dance) by Fremont Ashton, Englewood, FL

I was Only Trying to Help Her Make Up My Mind by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

The Homecoming Dance by Lisa Simmons, Lewisville, Tx

Jesus Rides this Freight Train With Me by Tony McCall, Brisbane, Australia

Fade by Ryan Eichenwaid, Dallas, Tx 

WINNERS

There were a lot of good lyric entries this quarter and it was hard to choose. I will critique as I type and use a parenthesis to remove a word or phrase or add a word. Sometimes I add  or remove a word to make meters match.

1ST PLACE

WE'LL GO AWAY AS FRIENDS by Bill Kapac

This is a well crafted song with a lot of emotion.  There are a lot of "break-up" songs but this one had an upbeat twist.

VERSE 1

Love doesn't disappear, it (just) slowly fades away

The feelings will go, but the memories all stay

Our life as one is over, in the morning I'll be gone

We're going our separate ways, we're both moving on (we'll both be moving on)

VERSE 2

We could try again tomorrow, but tomorrows never come

They just become today and that's what we're running from

I lie staring at the ceiling, next to your bed

With the sound of the past ringing (over) in my head

CHORUS

Hold me through the night I ask, stay until it ends

Kiss me in the morning and we'll go away as friends

Life can be so crazy, we could fall in love again

Walk me to the door and we'll go away as friends

VERSE 3

I turn and try to talk as the strength drains from my voice

There's no turning back now, we've already made that choice

I'm thinking to myself, should we give it one more try

But I won't say a word, (I don't want her to see me cry)  can't let her see me cry

REPEAT CHORUS

2ND PLACE

SHADOWS ON THE WALL by George Puccini

These lyrics are original and paint a good visual picture.  They also show emotion.

VERSE 1

An old photograph, a song from the past

Her laugh that lingers like a haunting (tune) melody

The scent of her hair surrounding me here

Like the shadows on the wall I see

VERSE 2

I look and she's there, asleep in my chair

I call her name and reach to touch her cheek

Then my cigarette flames and eerily frames

The shadows on the wall (around me) that can't speak

BRIDGE

I know the shadows taunt me as they haunt me

Now that she's gone

They bring her face before me just to warm me

Then they flicker and move on

VERSE 3

As my cigarette dies, alone in the night

I'll watch the silhouettes dance on the wall

Just old memories of what (life) used to be

Shadows on the wall and me

REPEAT BRIDGE

As my cigarette dies, alone  in the night

I'll watch the silhouettes dance on the wall

Just old memories of what (life) used to be

Shadows on the wall

Shadows on the wall

Shadows on the wall and me

3RD PLACE

BODY SURFING by Larry Dodge

This is a very original and well crafted song. It might be a little too sexy to be commercial but it is certainly well written and a fun song. Catchy tune something Brad Paisley would do - a few words could be changed, but structure seems good and somewhat original.

Verse 1:

I love the ocean and my baby does too

Beaches and breakers and water so blue

Barbecues and blankets on our favorite turf

But the highest high is when we body surf

Ramp:

There's really nothing like it when we catch a wave

We ride it 'til it breaks , but pretty quickly we crave

Another wave, even bigger, they'll challenge our skill

Until we crash, exhausted, and fall asleep lying still

Chorus:

No board needed, it just gets in the way

Of total immersion  in the foam and spray

Ride the rhythm of the ocean 'til the dance is through

Oh Baby, I love BODY SURFING with you

Verse 2:

Now Baby and I we live far from the shore

And we rarely have time to make the trip anymore

But we don't need breakers, except in our head

We get the same kind of thrills here at home instead

[Repeat ramp and chorus]

Tag:

No,  there's really nothing  better when the day is through

Oh Baby, I love BODY SURFING with you!

HONORABLE MENTION

This was a hard decision as there were many lyrics that deserved to be honored.  After re-reading many songs several times, I finally decided on

IN A HEARTBEAT by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

These were catchy lyrics with an upbeat message. I would suggest that you shorten the verses to 6 lines instead of 8.  Also  the bridge should be changed to read:

Faster than a jet plane

In the blink of an eye

I fell for you

Now honey, that's no lie

VERSE

When I first met you 

Didn't know much about love 

Just having a good time 

Was all that I could think of 

Then I met you baby 

And I fell hard and fast 

Would I do it all again girl 

You don't even have to ask. 

CHORUS

In a heartbeat 

In a split second 

Like a flashoof lightening 

Honey there's no question 

In a heartbeat. 

VERSE

After we were married 

And I was gonna be a dad 

Didn't know if I was ready 

I admit I was scared 

But the first time that I saw her 

Such tiny hands and feet 

I fell in love again 

In a heartbeat. 

CHORUS

In a heartbeat 

In a split second 

Like a flashoof lightening 

Honey there's no question 

In a heartbeat. 

BRIDGE

Faster than a jet plane 

In the blink of an eye 

Like the flutter of a bird's wing 

Now honey that's no lie. 

CHORUS

In a heartbeat 

In a split second 

Like a flash of lightening 

Honey there's no question 

In a heartbeat 

I'd do it in a heartbeat. 

Winners of the Summer Lyric Contest

There were 42 entries so it took me a little longer.  

I'm going to give a general critique first to all the songwriters who entered.  Some of you write songs that are too long.  Three verses, a repeated chorus and possibly a bridge is long enough.  Also, you must learn to match the meters.  The meters in the first verse must match the 2nd and 3rd verses.  And all choruses should be lyrically and musically alike.  Hope this helps in writing your next song.

Semifinalists

A Place Where I Keep My Heart by Dana Young

Is It Deal or No Deal  by Dana Young

She Doesn't Know My Heart Breaks by Mario Spinosi

Why Can't You Leave Me Alone by Dana Young

A PLACE WHERE I KEEP MY HEART

  by Dana Young

I liked the emotion and imagery in this song.  I changed some words to make the meters match

VERSE 1

I remember growing up (I grew up) on a small Kansas farm

A red barn and acres of wheat

An old plow and a cow, a few sittin' hens

And a tire that hung from a tree (A soda shop where friends would meet) to rhyme with wheat

CHORUS

I skipped with the sunbeams and danced in the breeze

At the place where I got my start

I have places for things like my keys and loose change

But that place is where I keep my heart

VERSE 2

We had hometown parades with floats and flags

Antique cars and a high school band

Had my own swimming hole, a homemade fishing pole

I sure loved growing up on that land

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 3

Sunflowers grew (tall) along (sides of) the dirt roads

Wildflowers swayed in the breeze

Butterflies curtseyed on the farmer's -fenceposts

While dragonflies skimmed across weeds

REPEAT CHORUS

Second Place

IS IT DEAL OR NO DEAL

 by Dana Young

This song didn't require much critiquing.  I just added a word or removed one to make the meters match

VERSE 1

Now, honey, I know you've been thinking of him

And I really can't blame you at all

He has a big house and a whole lot of money

So honey, I guess it's your call

CHORUS

Cause I'm not very good at playing these games

So I'll tell you just how I feel

I'm in it to win it, do you want him or me

Baby, is it deal or no deal?

VERSE 2

I ain't got a lot to offer to you

But I'll always be by your side

You can have all my love and I'll throw in my heart

But darlin', I must keep my pride

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

I'm putting my cards on the table

I'm putting it all on the line

You gotta choose him or you gotta choose me

Now it's time to make up your mind

REPEAT CHORUS

Third Place

SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS 

by Mario Spinosi

I liked this song a lot but the verses were long and the chorus was also long.  It has a great hook so shorten everything up and get to the punch line quicker. Also I don't recommend putting your lyric in all caps.

V-I SHE WAS STANDING IN MY DOORWAY, LIKE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE. 

HER EYES WERE RED FROM CRYING, SHE CAN'T HIDE THAT ANY MORE. 

HE'S CHEATED BEFORE, AND NOW HE'S DONE IT AGAIN. 

AND SHE ALWAYS-COMES TO ME, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM. 

V-2 WE BOTH GREW UP TOGETHER, WE WERE NEVER FAR APART. 

FROM BACK YARDS TO COLLEGE, SHE WAS AL WAYS IN MY HEART. 

BUT SHE LOVED ANOTHER, AND I KEPT MY FEELINGS IN. 

AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM. 

CHORUS' SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, SHE ONLY KNOWS THE CURE. 

EVERY TIME HER HEART ACHES, SHE KNOWS THAT I'LL BE THERE. 

I KNOW SHE'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, AND I KNOW I'M JUST A HER FRIEND. 

AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM. 

V-3 FOR JUST A WHILE I'LL HOLD HER, AND EASE OUR TROUBLED HEARTS.- 

BUT SHE'LL GO BACK TO HIM, AND AGAIN I DID MY PART. 

I KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HER, BUT I'LL KEEP MY LOVE WITHIN. 

AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM . 

REPEAT CHORUS ....... 

Honorable Mention 

WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE

 by Dana Young

This song has a different twist and I liked it. I would add a bridge giving the listener a clue to why the breakup or emphasis his ego.

V1

I'm just cruisin' around and swing by your house 

And there you are in the front yard. 

Well it just seems to be you're not over me 

Now why must you make it so hard? 

Chorus

Why can't you leave me alone 

Honey why can't you just let me be 

When I'm driving around allover town 

You're the one that I always see. 

V2

I go to the store to pick up some beer 

And you're strolling down aisle number three 

Wearing an old t-shirt and faded blue jeans 

Lookin' just as sexy as can be. 

Chorus

Why can't you leave me alone 

Honey why can't you just let me be 

When I'm driving around allover town 

You're the one that I always see. 

V3

Then I go to the bar and again there you are 

Sittin' there on the barstool 

It just seems to me that you're following me 

Do you take me for some kind of fool? 

Chorus

Why can't you leave me alone 

Honey why can't you just let me be 

When I'm driving around allover town 

You're the one that I always see.