Winter 2008 Lyric Contest Winners

Winter 2008 Lyric Contest Winners

Semifinalists
Forty Miles From Dallas by George Pucini, Las Vegas, NV
I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here by Mike Parrish, LaGrange, GA
With A Smile And A Lie by Kennan Zishka, Austin, TX
Livin' My Life On The Radio by George Pucini, Las Vegas, NV


First of all, there were a lot of good entries this time and it was hard to choose. Judges comments are in intalics through the lyrics and following.

1st Place

FORTY MILES FROM DALLAS by George Pucini
I might add or subtract a word to make
the meters match.

VERSE
(I'm) forty miles from Dallas
Rainin' on the roof of my car
Been trav'lin the back roads of Texas
Makin' like a country star
But ev'ry mile supplyin'
Just empty rooms and grimy bars
And too many nights spent tryin'
To write my name among the stars

PRE CHORUS
So I'm headin' back to Dallas
From ev'ry lonely one-night stand
I'm forty miles from Dallas
And lovin' for this one-man band

CHORUS
And there's forty miles before me
Til I'm in your arms again
Forty miles before me
Back to where it's warm again
I'm forty miles from Dallas
Forty miles from Dallas
And forty miles from your lovin' arms again

VERSE
These back road bars ain't friendly
And ev'ry night's the same old songs
(I've been livin')...but been dyin'
In places where (leave where out) I don't belong
So I'm headin' back to Dallas
Ain't havin' no more one-night stands
(So) I'm headin' back to Dallas
And closin' up this one-man band

REPEAT PRE CHORUS AND CHORUS

TAG
And forty miles from your lovin' arms again

This is a great country song with good imagery. You did a good job on matching
meters, too. Good luck with it.

2nd Place

I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE IT HERE by Mike Parrish
I liked this song because of it's originality. I will critique it as I type.

VERSE
I am a few throw pillows short of all moved in
My daughter's at her car getting the rest of them
The man cross the hall has a blank look on his face
I guess from too many years at this old folk's place (He's probably spent too many
years at this old folk's place)
This reminds me of my (baby) girl's first trip to day care
And how it was so hard for me to leave her there
But she was the strong one as she wiped off (away) my tears
She said (Saying) "Momma, I think I'm gonna like it here

CHORUS
It's not like back(this is hard to sing..say "So it's not like") when I was a child
When my mother (momma) raised all of us kids
And gramps and grandma moved in to stay
For just as long as they both would live
Now there's strangers keeping our kinfolk (loved ones)
The young and old ones are on their own
I wish Day Care was a family
And Assisted Living was a home

VERSE
My daughter says she'll come visit every day
But me being here says it can't happen that way (But I know that it just can't
happen that way)
She's got her husband and her career and her kids
Too many irons in the fire the same way I did
To life her spirits I said an old phrase of mine
"When you come to see me (visit), we'll have quality time"
But I have to be strong, so I wipe off (away) her tears
And say "Baby, I think I'm gonna like it here"

BRIDGE
From my mother's generation to generations not yet named (born)
It's the mothers and their daughters that help each other with the pain
(It's the mother and daughter relationship that helps weather the storm)

REPEAT CHORUS

Judges Comments

This is a good song with an original "hook". It might be a little wordy so if you
could find a way to shorten some of the lines, it would help. They are all about
the same length. Keep writing.

3rd Place

WITH A SMILE AND A LIE by Kennan Zishka

VERSE
So many times
You turned to walk away (You weren't sure you loved me)
So sure you couldn't stay (Didn't think that you could stay)
So many tears
Overflowed from my heart
All my fears unguarded (The day you turned to walk away)

CHORUS
So now I'll say goodbye
With a smile and a lie
About how I'll be alright
About how I'll get by
Yeah, I'll be OK
Living every day
With a smile and a lie

VERSE
So many dreams
Held together by a promise
That's now an empty wish
So many words
I've heard a hundred echoes
That only my voice knows (Guess love is sometimes a big risk)

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
It's time to pretend
Time can mend
A heart that doesn't know
When it will beat again

REPEAT CHORUS

Judges Comments
Tho there are a lot of songs written about "lies", this is a well written song and
the "smile and lie" theme gives it a new twist. Good luck with it.

HONORABLE MENTION

LIVIN' MY LIFE ON THE RADIO
This song has potential but you need to keep the same chorus throughout...don't
change the last chorus.
Put the chorus between each 6 line verse. If it's too long, remove a verse.