FALL 2010 WINNERS
SEMIFINALISTS
CARDBOARD DADDY
by Richard Keller, Orlando, FL
SOMETHIN' BOUT SOUTHERN GIRLS
by Richard Keller, Orlando, FL
LET'S GAMBLE ON US
by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx
GRANDPA (WHY YOU DRIVE SO SLOW?)
by Tom Biles, Keller, Tx
FIRST PLACE
CARDBOARD DADDY by Richard Keller, Orlando, Tx
I will critique as I type. This is a clever song and speaks to us all. The words or lines in parenthesis should be removed but I've also added a word here and there to make the meters match. The song is pretty long and each verse should be trimmed to 6 lines. I trimmed the chorus. It's a great song but it really needs to be shortened. Look for at least 2 lines in each verse that could be removed.
VERSE 1
The pretty young wife cried softly
The red tail lights faded away
He was off to the front lines
A brave young Green Beret
She recalled a childhood memory
A fateful knock on the door
Her father was a soldier too
But he didn't make it home from war
VERSE 2
Their son wanted to see daddy
She found a creative way
Made a life-sized cardboard photo
They saw him every day
(There were lots of fun memories
Cardboard daddy was there for them all
A birthday party, a touchdown catch
And many games of tee-ball)
He never missed a party
A Christmas or tee-ball
Yes, he was there for them all
CHORUS
So if you see a man in uniform
Walk up and shake his hand
(And thank the hero next to him
The one driving a mini-van)
Cause behind every Cardboard Daddy
There's a woman stronger than steel
Though our gratitude is genuine
(But) Her sacrifice is real
VERSE 3
It was career day in 1st grade
Each child got to speak
The fathers sat at a (blue) table
Cardboard Daddy took a seat
(The boy) He said "My daddy's in Afghanistan
For 7 months he's been away..."
Then a loud knock on the door
Stopped what he had to say
VERSE 4
In walked a handsome soldier
Wearing a smile and a Green Beret
(The little boy) He cried out "Daddy"
And ran to him right away
They hugged each other tightly
Tears filled everyone's eyes
Mom watched from the corner
She had planned the whole surprise
REPEAT CHORUS
BRIDGE This should come before the 2nd chorus
Every child and father rose
Gave the soldier a standing ovation
He joined them at the (blue) table
(And) Sent Cardboard Daddy on vacation
REPEAT CHORUS
TAG
Oh yes, behind every Cardboard Daddy
There's a woman stronger than steel
SECOND PLACE
SOMETHIN' 'BOUT SOUTHERN GIRLS by Richard Keller, Orlando, Tx
This is a cute song but way too long. I've added a few words to make the meters match but I've mostly tried to shorten your song by removing lines and verses. I'll put these in parenthesis.
VERSE 1
I have sailed the globe
On those Navy ships
Seen lots of pretty girls
Yeah, kissed a few lips
Take his verse out
VERSE 2
(Those brown-eyed senoritas
Made me look twice
Met blond Swedish girls
That could melt the ice)
VERSE 3
But the prettiest girls
I ever did see
Were all back home
In (Alabama) Tennessee
CHORUS This needs to be condensed and I made it shorter and catchier
'Cause Southern girls
Are God's gift to males
Perfect white teeth
Long red nails
(Tan legs with daisy dukes
Big hair and cowboy boots
She makes pecan pie
Writes thank you notes
Cuter then hell
Laughs at your jokes)
Wearin' just a t-shirt
Or dressed up with pearls
There's somethin' 'bout them Southern girls
VERSE 3
Take this verse out
(I drove to Mississippi
Just to hear those girls talk
Crowned Ms. South Carolina
Just to see her walk)
REPLACE IT WITH THIS
Texas girls are smart
With good looks to match
If you could lasso one
You'd have quite a catch
VERSE 4
Ain't nothin' sweeter
Than a Georgia peach
Florida girls are hot
Bikinis on the beach
REPEAT CHORUS...My version
'Cause Southern girls
Are God's gift to males
Perfect white teeth
Long red nails
Wearin' just a t-shirt
Or dressed up in pearls
There's somethin' 'bout them Southern girls
VERSE 5
Take this verse out...you don't need it or put in a short 2 line bridge
(Saw a Kentucky cheerleader
Sippin bourbon from a cup
Threw some beads in Louisiana
Girl pulled her t-shirt up)
REPEAT CHORUS starting with You gotta love 'em
TAG
Yes, wearin' just a t-shirt
Or dressed up with pearls
There's somethin' 'bout them Southern girls
THIRD PLACE
LET'S GAMBLE ON US by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx
This is a cute song but instead of 8 verses of 3 lines, make 4 verses of 6 lines each or 2 verses on 8 lines.
It's still going to be a little long.
HONORABLE MENTION
GRANDPA (WHY YOU DRIVE SO SLOW) by Tom Biles, Keller, Tx
A good country song and I was surprised at the answer.
