Fall 2010 Winners

FALL 2010 WINNERS

SEMIFINALISTS

CARDBOARD DADDY

by Richard Keller, Orlando, FL

SOMETHIN' BOUT SOUTHERN GIRLS

by Richard Keller, Orlando, FL

LET'S GAMBLE ON US

by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

GRANDPA (WHY YOU DRIVE SO SLOW?)

by Tom Biles, Keller, Tx

FIRST PLACE

CARDBOARD DADDY by Richard Keller, Orlando, Tx

I will critique as I type. This is a clever song and speaks to us all. The words or lines in parenthesis should be removed but I've also added a word here and there to make the meters match. The song is pretty long and each verse should be trimmed to 6 lines. I trimmed the chorus. It's a great song but it really needs to be shortened. Look for at least 2 lines in each verse that could be removed.

VERSE 1

The pretty young wife cried softly

The red tail lights faded away

He was off to the front lines

A brave young Green Beret

She recalled a childhood memory

A fateful knock on the door

Her father was a soldier too

But he didn't make it home from war

VERSE 2

Their son wanted to see daddy

She found a creative way

Made a life-sized cardboard photo

They saw him every day

(There were lots of fun memories

Cardboard daddy was there for them all

A birthday party, a touchdown catch

And many games of tee-ball)

He never missed a party

A Christmas or tee-ball

Yes, he was there for them all

CHORUS

So if you see a man in uniform

Walk up and shake his hand

(And thank the hero next to him

The one driving a mini-van)

Cause behind every Cardboard Daddy

There's a woman stronger than steel

Though our gratitude is genuine

(But) Her sacrifice is real

VERSE 3

It was career day in 1st grade

Each child got to speak

The fathers sat at a (blue) table

Cardboard Daddy took a seat

(The boy) He said "My daddy's in Afghanistan

For 7 months he's been away..."

Then a loud knock on the door

Stopped what he had to say

VERSE 4

In walked a handsome soldier

Wearing a smile and a Green Beret

(The little boy) He cried out "Daddy"

And ran to him right away

They hugged each other tightly

Tears filled everyone's eyes

Mom watched from the corner

She had planned the whole surprise

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE This should come before the 2nd chorus

Every child and father rose

Gave the soldier a standing ovation

He joined them at the (blue) table

(And) Sent Cardboard Daddy on vacation

REPEAT CHORUS

TAG

Oh yes, behind every Cardboard Daddy

There's a woman stronger than steel

SECOND PLACE

SOMETHIN' 'BOUT SOUTHERN GIRLS by Richard Keller, Orlando, Tx

This is a cute song but way too long. I've added a few words to make the meters match but I've mostly tried to shorten your song by removing lines and verses. I'll put these in parenthesis.

VERSE 1

I have sailed the globe

On those Navy ships

Seen lots of pretty girls

Yeah, kissed a few lips

Take his verse out

VERSE 2

(Those brown-eyed senoritas

Made me look twice

Met blond Swedish girls

That could melt the ice)

VERSE 3

But the prettiest girls

I ever did see

Were all back home

In (Alabama) Tennessee

CHORUS This needs to be condensed and I made it shorter and catchier

'Cause Southern girls

Are God's gift to males

Perfect white teeth

Long red nails

(Tan legs with daisy dukes

Big hair and cowboy boots

She makes pecan pie

Writes thank you notes

Cuter then hell

Laughs at your jokes)

Wearin' just a t-shirt

Or dressed up with pearls

There's somethin' 'bout them Southern girls

VERSE 3

Take this verse out

(I drove to Mississippi

Just to hear those girls talk

Crowned Ms. South Carolina

Just to see her walk)

REPLACE IT WITH THIS

Texas girls are smart

With good looks to match

If you could lasso one

You'd have quite a catch

VERSE 4

Ain't nothin' sweeter

Than a Georgia peach

Florida girls are hot

Bikinis on the beach

REPEAT CHORUS...My version

'Cause Southern girls

Are God's gift to males

Perfect white teeth

Long red nails

Wearin' just a t-shirt

Or dressed up in pearls

There's somethin' 'bout them Southern girls

VERSE 5

Take this verse out...you don't need it or put in a short 2 line bridge

(Saw a Kentucky cheerleader

Sippin bourbon from a cup

Threw some beads in Louisiana

Girl pulled her t-shirt up)

REPEAT CHORUS starting with You gotta love 'em

TAG

Yes, wearin' just a t-shirt

Or dressed up with pearls

There's somethin' 'bout them Southern girls

THIRD PLACE

LET'S GAMBLE ON US by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

This is a cute song but instead of 8 verses of 3 lines, make 4 verses of 6 lines each or 2 verses on 8 lines.

It's still going to be a little long.

HONORABLE MENTION

GRANDPA (WHY YOU DRIVE SO SLOW) by Tom Biles, Keller, Tx

A good country song and I was surprised at the answer.