Enter Today.

Lyricists! Here’s your chance to shine! Enter The Dallas Songwriters Quarterly Lyric Contest Entry fee is $10 per lyric.

Quarterly Entry Deadlines: Winter - March 31 * Spring - June 30 * Summer - September 30 * Fall - December 31


PRIZES TO BE AWARDED

Of course the MAIN prize is what we ALL aspire to:

RECOGNITION FOR OUR LYRICAL WORK!

ALSO: The 1st place winning lyricist receives:

A certificate, $50 cash and a 1 year DSA membership.

The 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winner's lyrics and judges critiques will be published in the DSA “Songwriters Notes” and on the DSA Website.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

WINTER 2011 WINNERS ANNOUNCED

SEMIFINALISTS
Award Winning Angel by Larry Dodge, Dallas, TX
The Homecoming Dance by Lisa Simmons, Lewisville, TX
Crumbs by Dom Stasi, Willow Springs, IL
The Brothers by Sammie Lee Marler, Brunswick, GA
WINNERS
 I will critique as I type.  If a word or phrase is in parenthesis, remove and replace with my suggestion.

FIRST PLACE

AWARD-WINNING ANGEL by Larry Dodge

This song lends itself to the realities of today.  I like the images and the rhyme pattern is unique by rhyming the first 3 lines and not the 4th.  It has too many verses so I shortened it.

VERSE 1
Well, I was just comin' to when I heard her curse
Nothing too nasty, yeah, I've heard a lot worse
Just spicy language from a military nurse
When I looked up I saw five of her

VERSE 2

All ten of her hands had dropped my trays of meds
And a ward full of wounded all turned their heads
Another excuse to watch her from their beds
She was a (beauty to behold, for sure) real beauty to be sure

(Where the VA found her no one had a clue
But she renewed our faith in the red, white and blue)
Make the next 2 lines a PRE CHORUS
She had the face of an angel and a great body, too
There wasn't (much) any cure that she couldn't (cure) do

CHORUS
She was a ward-winning angel
Because of her we learned to pray
That when our bodies recovered
From the wounds we had suffered
She'd take us to heaven some day

I changed the chorus to this:

She was a ward-winning angel
And I really do feel
Her heavenly smile
Helped my wounds heal
She'd squeeze my hand saying"you'll be good as new"
The soldiers all loved her and she loved us, too
She was a ward-winning angel

VERSE 3
One day an officer came into our ward
In his dress uniform, complete with a sword
If she was an angel, then he was her lord
(But she didn't leave us in the cold) She introduced him to us all

I'd remove the next verse to shorten the song
(No, she introduced him to everyone there
He saw how we loved her but he didn't care
It was clear as diamonds that they were a pair
We weren't all that surprised, truth be told)

VERSE 4
Outside our windows a marching band played
To honor the sacrifice we men had made
She walked him outside, he rejoined the parade
Then our angel returned to the (fold) ward

REPEAT CHORUS


SECOND PLACE

THE HOMECOMING DANCE by Lisa Simmons
This is a sweet sentimental song but it's too long. I also thought the last verse jumped too many decades so I changed it in keeping with the theme. The verses are too long, try shortening to 6 lines.

VERSE 1
It's her first date
And the dress is just right
It'll be her first dance
Without daddy tonight
Little girls now young ladies
The boys seem like men
The pictures remind us
Of where the time went

CHORUS
It's the homecoming dance
Twirl around on the floor
Time goes so quickly
(We) They want so much more
(How can we hold on
To the time that we have)
How can they hold on 
To their first romance
Keep this feeling forever
Of the homecoming dance

VERSE 2
He left last September
To fight for us all
They cried knowing their son
Would be born late that fall
Now it's a year later
And the time passed so slow
He can't wait to see them
And hold them both close

BRIDGE
This bridge is too long
(Time is so precious
With those that we love
Can we just stop the world from turning
Let's keep all the memories
We have in our minds
And when we get to the end
Just rewind)
Their Homecoming Photo
is hung in the hall
Bringing back memories
They love to recall

REPEAT CHORUS  All the choruses should match

VERSE 3
(They were married forever
It seemed all their lives
She fell asleep first
He played out his time
The one quiet evening
As if it were planned
He slipped away softly
As he stretched out his hand)

Replace with this..much happier

It's their High School reunion
And they're on the gym floor
Twirling and dancing
To the music once more
Their love has lasted
 Through the laughter and tears
Holding on to those memories
Throughout all the years

REPEAT CHORUS

THIRD PLACE

CRUMBS by Dom Stasi
I loved the title and the 1st verse but the 2nd verse wasn't as strong.  The song's a little short so maybe you could add a 3rd verse.  But a well written song.

VERSE
Rainy days are here at last
Them paychecks never disappeared so fast
Upside down in a house of cards
We're burning through the cash buried in the yards

PRE-CHORUS
Right down to the core, it's clear as day
Baseball, hot dogs, Chevrolet...

CHORUS
Everybody wants a piece of the proverbial pie
We all want a slice of heaven, yet we don't wanna die
There ain't enough filling for all the "Tom Thumbs"
These days it feels like I'm just scrapin' for crumbs

VERSE
Poorly managed, managed anger
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger
Still have my pride, and above all
Got faith, hope, and the greatest of 'em all

PRE-CHORUS
The bridge is out ahead, it's make or break
And all about the choices we make...

CHORUS
Everybody wants a piece of the proverbial pie
We all want a slice of heaven, yet we don't wanna die
There ain't enough filling for all the "Tom Thumbs"
These days it feels like I'm just scrapin' for crumbs

HONORABLE MENTION

THE BROTHERS by Sammie Lee Marler
I loved the story, all the rhyme patterns and the imagery...but to be a good song, it needs to have a chorus. Just add a couple of short, catch  lines between every 2 verses. It could be a good folk song.

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