Winners of the Spring 2013 Lyric Contest

SEMIFINALIST

She's All Texas by Tom Ruffen, Burnaby, BC, Canada 

Cowboys And Redskins Are In Town by Mary Hughes, Springtown, TX 

Three Hearts And One Diamond by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

Flower Mound by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO 

Silver Cadillac by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Two O'Clock In The Morning by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

Force of Nature by John Walsh, Sydney, NSW, Australia 

Morning Star by John Thomas Lane, Monument, CO

Weep For The Innocent by Dana Young, Anthony, KS

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

Judge 1: This is a cleverly written song with lots of imagery

Judge 3:  I like the descriptions of an imaginary rip-roaringTexas woman.  Lots of word pictures and stereotypes about Texas and maybe a little overdone but entertaining.  Song is somewhat long but rhyme scheme and phrasing are good and overall appeal is good.

SHE'S ALL TEXAS

VERSE 1

In the lone star state I've found a girl

Sweetest thing there is in this here world

Bluebonnet eyes, sunflower hair

Curves like the Pedernales and twice as fair

Alone the Pecos or the Rio Grande

You got to know that I'm a happy man

From the panhandle to the piney woods

You can bet your saddle, my life is good

CHORUS

Oh she's all Texas, that lovely gal of mine

Houston, there's no problem, she loves me all the time

VERSE 2

She'll say "Howdy" and invite you in

Deep in her heart is where the west begins

She can set a table and rustle up grub

Every single thing she makes is made with love

Chicken fried steak with sausage gravy

Her crumblin' cornbread'll drive you crazy

Homegrown Texas, you know what I mean

She's got eighteen ways to fix a pinto bean

BRIDGE

Oh, she'll knock my boots when the mood is right

Thank my lucky stars she's with me every night

I got lassoed in El Paso and hitched in Sugar Land

Honeymooned in Dallas where we (blindfolded) danced to the band.  I didn't understand this line

REPEAT CHORUS

I would leave the next verse out because the song is too long

VERSE 3

Her daddy left her a rifle and Bowie knife

Colt forty-five and his way of life

She's planted cotton and drilled for oil

Earned an honest living from her daily toil

Seen dust devils and months without rain

Flashin' floods and Gulf hurricanes

In tornado alley, she hunkers down

Then helps her neighbors for miles around

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE4

She can shoe a horse, fix a pickup truck

Catch a catfish, dress a white tail buck

Wears a ten-gallon hat, raises Longhorn cattle

She hears fightin' words, there's gonna be a battle

"Cause she never forgets the old Alamoo

It's in her blood and she won't let it go

Don't mess with Texas, not my Botton Bowl Queen

Or her spurs'll kick your can down to Abilene

REPEAT CHORUS

SECOND PLACE

Judge 3: I like the feel and word pictures about a fine car and the allusions to a woman.  The rhyme scheme was good but the chorus should appear earlier in the song, after the second verse.  The rhyming of "automobile" and "feel" in the chorus is good but the cadence gets off with too many syllables in "like no other automobile" which could be changed to "a fine automobile".  Originality was good even though the song seems somewhat akin to "Pink Cadillac"  Overall it has good appeal and is a fun song.

Judge 2: Comments below.

 "SILVER CADILLAC" 

V-1 SHES A SILVER CADILLAC, THE STAR OF MY DREAMS 

A SLEEK CRUISE MISSLE, MY FLYING MACHINE 

SHE'S HELL ON WHEELS, THE FASTEST EVER SEEN 

AND BURNS UP THE ROAD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 

V-2 SHES POETRY IN MOTION, SOFT ON THE INSIDE 

HER BODY DRAPED IN CHROME, GIVES A HEA-VEN-LY RIDE 

SHE SITS IN MY DRIVEWAY, JUST WAITING FOR ME 

AND COMES ALIVE, WHEN I TURN ON HER KEY 

(I suggest something like: My baby comes alive when I turn her key

  or My baby starts to purring when I turn key key - these might sing easier)

(I would put a chorus at this point)

V-3 SITTING IN MY CADILLAC, WE GLUIDE THROUGH THE NIGHT 

SHE SMOOTHS EVERY BUMP, MAKES EVERYTHING RIGHT 

NOTHING EVER LOOKED SO GOOD, OR TOOK ME SO FAR 

AS THAT SILVER CADILLAC, MY BEAUTIFUL CAR 

V-4 THERES NOTHING ELSE LIKE HER, MAKE NO MISTAKE 

SHE'S A SILVER CADILLAC, THE BIGEST ONE THEY MAKE 

LIFE'S A LONG ROAD, THAT I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF 

WHEN I'M IN THAT CADDY, I DON'T NEED NOBODY ELSE 

CHORUS: SHES A SILVER CADILLAC, LIKE NO OTHER AUTOMOBILE 

IF YOU TOOK HER FOR A RIDE, YOU'D KNOW HOW I FEEL 

WHEN I TAKE HER OUT TONIGHT, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK 

I'LL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE, WITH MY SILVER CADILLAC 

( I would slightly reword V-5 and make it a bridge with a musical change)

V -5 I ALWAYS DESIRED THAT CAR, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY 

I JUST HAD TO HAVE, HER, BEFORE THE DAY I DIE 

THERE'S NO FANCY LEXUS, OR BUICK THAT WILL DO 

IT HAS TO BE THAT CADILLAC, AND SHE'S GONNA BE YOU 

REPEAT CHORUS

THIRD PLACE  - Three way tie

Judge 1: Comments below

COWBOYS AND REDSKINS ARE IN TOWN

I've changed some wording but I like the title and story

VERSE 1

She said "come here, got something for you

(Do you) feel like snuggling (cause I sure want to)

I said "not now, it'll have to wait (not today)

Cowboys and Redskins are 'bout to play"

CHORUS

I can't believe I turned her down

But the Cowboys and Redskins are in town

It's two minutes 'till kick off time (remove this line)

Done popped a tab, kicked back in my chair

In two minutes they're on the air

Any other time but not night now

Cowboys and Redskins are in town

VERSE 2

Oh Lord, how lucky can one guy be

She cooks and cleans, gladly waits on me

(The washes my truck then rubs my back

Says she's happy living in this old shack)  No woman would do or say that!

If I ask, she'll rub my back

She puts me first, that's a fact

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

I'd change this bridge from

Wonder if she planned the perfect time to get that game off my mind

I'd do anything in the world for her but today football's gonna come first

to

Lovins' always on my mind

But this is not the perfect time

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge 2: Comments below

"TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING" 

V-I IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING(I would not water down the hook by using it here

maybe something like: After another night of trying, I'M SITTING HERE ALL ALONE 

THE REST OF THE BAR IS EMPTY, EVERYONE ELSE HAS GONE HOME 

IT MAKES ME FEEL SO LONELY, TO BE HERE BY MYSELF 

I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, THERE MUST BE SOMEBODY ELSE 

V-2 I THOUGHT I MADE A FRIEND TONIGHT, SHE SEEMED SO NICE TO ME 

BUT SHE HAD TO GO AWAY, TO SOME PLACE SHE'D RATHER BE 

AND I SAW AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE, WE SAT AND TALKED FOR A WHILE 

BUT SHE COULDN'T STAY VERY LONG, SHE JUST LEFT ME WITH A SMILE 

CHORUS: IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, THERE'S A POUNDING INSIDE MY HEAD 

(might sing better as: It's two o'clock in the morning, there's a pounding in my head)

I DRANK TOO MUCH TONIGHT, IN THE MORNING I'LL FEEL LIKE I'M DEAD

(maybe: I drank too much tonight, in the morning I will regret)

I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME, AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS SORROW 

(I need some help with the sorrow, someone to help me forget)

THIS IS MY LAST TWO OCLOCK, I WONT BE BACK HERE TOMORROW

(maybe: It's two o'clock in the morning, There's a pounding in my head

this might help to reiterate the hook)

V-3 IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, ( again, let the hook stand in the chorus

maybe, I'm getting tired of living, IN THIS COLD, EMPTY TOWN 

THE PIMPS, DRUNKS AND COPS, ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE AROUND 

I SHOULD BE HOME BY NOW, BUT THERE'S NO ONE WAITING FOR ME 

I CAN'T WOK AT THOSE WALLS TONIGHT, AT LEAST OUT HERE I FEEL FREE 

V-4 I ONCE HAD A STEADY GIRLFRIEND, WE WENT EVERYWHERE TOGETHER

UNTIL SHE FOUND SOMEBODY  (someone might sing better)  ELSE, THAT I GUESS SHE THOUGHT WAS BETTER

THE COPS PULL ME OUT OF MY CAR, THEY KNOW ME AND GIVE ME A WARNING

I'M DRUNK AND ALONE AGAIN, IT'S TWO OCLOCK IN THE MORNING 

REPEAT CHORUS: 

Judge 3: I like the simplicity of the song and it's emotional impact about love and innocence lost but the need to keep trying to find it.  The beginning of the chorus could drop "We" and just start with "weep" so the title and hook would align.  The rhyme pattern was good though there was a bit of stretch in rhyming "horizon" and "trying" in the second verse.  Phrasing and cadence were good as well as originality and overall appeal.

WEEP FOR THE INNOCENT 

VI: I sit by the window and let my tears fall 

Wondering just how I'll get through it all 

I can't change the past, can't shake off the sorrow 

So I'll just pray for a better tomorrow. 

CH: We weep for the innocent and their years swept away 

May the moon and the sta~ light up their way 

We mourn for the world lost in dull shades of gray 

May the moon and the stars light up its way. 

VII: I fall to my knees and shake my fists at the sky 

But there are no answers when I ask Him why 

I see faces of angels above the horizon 

So with each breaking dawn, I must keep on trying. 

CH: We weep for the innocent and their years swept away 

May the moon and the stars light up their way 

We mourn for the world lost in dull shades of gray 

May the moon and the stars light up its way. 

BR: The wind has no force if its path is clear 

A lion's roar has no strength, if there's no one to hear 

Love has no meaning if it doesn't last 

Why hope for the future if its lost in the past. 

CH: We weep for the innocent and their years swept away 

May the moon and the stars light up their way 

We mourn for the world lost in dull shades of gray 

May the moon and the stars light up its way. 

Honorable Mention  - Two way tie

Judge 2: Comments below.

Force of Nature 

She’s two kinds of trouble

A double threat - country bred, city cred (might find a better rhyme)

Born and raised on sunshine and Jesus

A hometown girl, with a downtown life

Moonshine shots and Bacardi breezers

She’s all woman but she’s no man’s wife

She’s a force of nature

She’s a force of nature

A category 5, certified widow maker

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

She’ll lay you bare like a Texas twister

Beware ( of ) that southern sister

She’ll light you up like a flash grenade

One night together you’ll never forget her

You’ll think your soul’s been saved

One more guy she’ll never remember

She’s a force of nature

She’s a force of nature

A category 5, certified widow maker

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

Bridge

Maybe the force be with me

I’m giving it a shot

If I crash and burn

At least I’ll know

I gave it all I got

She’s a force of nature

She’s a force of nature

A category 5, certified widow maker

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

It was an act of God that made her

She can bend but you won’t break her

That girl’s a force of nature

  THREE HEARTS-AND ONE DIAMOND 

VI: My heart was racing, I was gonna propose 

In my pocket I carried a ring 

But in that dimly lit room, I saw you with him 

Then I knew this king lost his queen. 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, I was dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away. 

VII: Deep down I knew you'd been thinking of him 

l1e was always the love of your life 

And when you leaned over, and the two of you kissed 

It cut through my heart like a knife. 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, I was dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away 

VIII: I should have noticed the signs, should've known you were cheating 

You had an ace up your sleeve 

I was playing with a deck of fifty-one cards 

Guess you could call me naive. 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, I was dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away. 

BR: But then I turned back around and walked over to you 

I placed that ring in your palm 

I folded your hand, tipped my hat at your friend 

And sa!d, "mister it looks like you won." 

CH: Three hearts and one diamond, rwas dealt a bad hand 

And I had no cards I could play 

Two kings and one queen, I knew I had lost 

So I turned and just walked away.