Summer 2008 Lyric Contest Winners

1. The Last Line by Mike Parrish, LaGrange, GA
2. Handy Heart by Kenna Zishka, Austin, Tx
3. Cheer On Our Country's Behalf by Genell Kelso
HM Strut My Country by Agnes "Gretta" Buntain, Cecilia, KY

FIRST PLACE

THE LAST LINE by Mike Parrish
I will critique as I type the lyrics

VERSE 1
Dad said it had been months (Dad forgot how long) but I knew it'd been years (it was a year)
Since he found his new wife and left mom and me here
And he seemed so (leave out so) surprised that I'd gotten so tall
As he read (the) heights he'd marked with some(leave out some) lines on the wall

VERSE 2
So he drew a new line with the date and my name
Above the older ones that are all spaced the same
The new mark made it clear there was a hole in time
With too many inches since he drew the last line

CHORUS
There have been too many inches
Since he drew the last line
Like rungs that are missing
On this ladder in time
And there on the wall
It's not hard to find
There have been too many inches
Since he drew the last line

VERSE 3
And now he is asking to be back in my life
Mom thinks that I should but it's for me to decide
And I can forgive him, to forgive is divine
But I'm going to wait till I see some more lines
(REWROTE THIS VERSE SEE BELOW)
And now he's saying he wants to keep in touch
That he misses me and loves me so much
Can I forgive him...the decision is mine
But I'm going to wait 'till I see some more lines

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
At two foot three, I rode on his feet
At two foot eight, played hide and seek
At three foot two, I learned to play ball
At three foot nine, no more lines on the wall

REPEAT CHORUS

TAG
There have been too many inches
Since he drew the last line

This is a very original song but I wonder if it has to be a child that sings it. Maybe it can be changed into a memory of what he remembers in his relationship with his dad but it is a well written song.

SECOND PLACE

HANDY HEART by Kenna Zishka

This has a catchy title and a good message.

VERSE 1
My grandfather was a good with tools
He could fix most anything
A bicycle, an old pair of skates
Anything I (folks) would bring him(leave off him and rhyme anything with bring)
Yet he would always tell me

CHORUS
It's best to have a handy heart
One that can see
Others in difficulty(not very singable)
One that can forgive
Always to live
In the joy of today
He would always say
It's best to have a handy heart
(I REWROTE THIS SEE BELOW)
It's best to have a handy heart
Reach out your hand
To help the needy
Learn to forgive
Never become greedy
He would always say
Fix each problem that comes your way
It's best to have a handy heart

VERSE 2
My grandfather was good with cars (engines)
He could tune up any kind of engine (car)
A sports car (an old clunker), a pickup truck
Another old clunker running again (Even a classic Jaguar)
Yet he would tell me

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Over the years
I saw his skill so tender (I witnessed his skills)
And when I think of him (But his kind heart)
I will always remember (Remains with me still)

REPEAT CHORUS

Good visuals in the verses. The Chorus should play up how his grandfather helped fix peoples lives. Don't be general, be specific. Good luck with it.

THIRD PLACE

CHEER ON OUR COUNTRY'S BEHALF by Genell Kelso

CHORUS
If ever we needed a laugh
If ever we needed a smile
If we ever needed cheer on our country's behalf
It's now...we can't wait awhile (while our country's on trial) I like this line better

VERSE 1
When times are tough
We each feel the weights of the world growing bigger and heavier on every shoulder (pretty long line)
When times are tough
Though we thought we were still in pretty good shape, we're now feeling much tireder and older(lines need to be shortened and excess words cut out. Is there such a word as "tireder"?)
Can't take steady diets of news that keeps going from BAD to WORSE to WORSE (cut last worse out)
We need at least some happy stuff to be able to cope with "Who's on First"

REPEAT CHORUS
We may be part of the problem, but now can be part of the solution, unblinking
(We can be part of the solution and soon the problem will be shrinking)
So now (it's the time) is the time for positive values and all of (leave" all of "out) our creative thinking
We know we'll need wisdom: We don't want more gunnery; don't want to hide in a nunnery
(We can all volunteer and become active players)
Now is the time for all good thoughts to come to the aid of our country
(Help out the needy, become better neighbors)

BRIDGE
Worry and stress can limit your mind
A cheerful brain's likelier answers to find(hard to say much less sing)
(So a cheerful heart is a good sign)

REPEAT CHORUS

TAG
Our country, cheer for thee...cheer

HONORABLE MENTION

STRUT MY COUNTRY by Gretta Buntain
It's got 9 great verses but no chorus.It could be a cute song if he or she cut out about 4 verses and added a chorus. Right now it's just a poem.