Winners of the Summer Lyric Contest

There were 42 entries so it took me a little longer.  

I'm going to give a general critique first to all the songwriters who entered.  Some of you write songs that are too long.  Three verses, a repeated chorus and possibly a bridge is long enough.  Also, you must learn to match the meters.  The meters in the first verse must match the 2nd and 3rd verses.  And all choruses should be lyrically and musically alike.  Hope this helps in writing your next song.

Semifinalists

A Place Where I Keep My Heart by Dana Young

Is It Deal or No Deal  by Dana Young

She Doesn't Know My Heart Breaks by Mario Spinosi

Why Can't You Leave Me Alone by Dana Young

A PLACE WHERE I KEEP MY HEART

  by Dana Young

I liked the emotion and imagery in this song.  I changed some words to make the meters match

VERSE 1

I remember growing up (I grew up) on a small Kansas farm

A red barn and acres of wheat

An old plow and a cow, a few sittin' hens

And a tire that hung from a tree (A soda shop where friends would meet) to rhyme with wheat

CHORUS

I skipped with the sunbeams and danced in the breeze

At the place where I got my start

I have places for things like my keys and loose change

But that place is where I keep my heart

VERSE 2

We had hometown parades with floats and flags

Antique cars and a high school band

Had my own swimming hole, a homemade fishing pole

I sure loved growing up on that land

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 3

Sunflowers grew (tall) along (sides of) the dirt roads

Wildflowers swayed in the breeze

Butterflies curtseyed on the farmer's -fenceposts

While dragonflies skimmed across weeds

REPEAT CHORUS

Second Place

IS IT DEAL OR NO DEAL

 by Dana Young

This song didn't require much critiquing.  I just added a word or removed one to make the meters match

VERSE 1

Now, honey, I know you've been thinking of him

And I really can't blame you at all

He has a big house and a whole lot of money

So honey, I guess it's your call

CHORUS

Cause I'm not very good at playing these games

So I'll tell you just how I feel

I'm in it to win it, do you want him or me

Baby, is it deal or no deal?

VERSE 2

I ain't got a lot to offer to you

But I'll always be by your side

You can have all my love and I'll throw in my heart

But darlin', I must keep my pride

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

I'm putting my cards on the table

I'm putting it all on the line

You gotta choose him or you gotta choose me

Now it's time to make up your mind

REPEAT CHORUS

Third Place

SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS 

by Mario Spinosi

I liked this song a lot but the verses were long and the chorus was also long.  It has a great hook so shorten everything up and get to the punch line quicker. Also I don't recommend putting your lyric in all caps.

V-I SHE WAS STANDING IN MY DOORWAY, LIKE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE. 

HER EYES WERE RED FROM CRYING, SHE CAN'T HIDE THAT ANY MORE. 

HE'S CHEATED BEFORE, AND NOW HE'S DONE IT AGAIN. 

AND SHE ALWAYS-COMES TO ME, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM. 

V-2 WE BOTH GREW UP TOGETHER, WE WERE NEVER FAR APART. 

FROM BACK YARDS TO COLLEGE, SHE WAS AL WAYS IN MY HEART. 

BUT SHE LOVED ANOTHER, AND I KEPT MY FEELINGS IN. 

AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM. 

CHORUS' SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, SHE ONLY KNOWS THE CURE. 

EVERY TIME HER HEART ACHES, SHE KNOWS THAT I'LL BE THERE. 

I KNOW SHE'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, AND I KNOW I'M JUST A HER FRIEND. 

AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM. 

V-3 FOR JUST A WHILE I'LL HOLD HER, AND EASE OUR TROUBLED HEARTS.- 

BUT SHE'LL GO BACK TO HIM, AND AGAIN I DID MY PART. 

I KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HER, BUT I'LL KEEP MY LOVE WITHIN. 

AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW MY HEART BREAKS, WHEN HER HEART BREAKS FOR HIM . 

REPEAT CHORUS ....... 

Honorable Mention 

WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE

 by Dana Young

This song has a different twist and I liked it. I would add a bridge giving the listener a clue to why the breakup or emphasis his ego.

V1

I'm just cruisin' around and swing by your house 

And there you are in the front yard. 

Well it just seems to be you're not over me 

Now why must you make it so hard? 

Chorus

Why can't you leave me alone 

Honey why can't you just let me be 

When I'm driving around allover town 

You're the one that I always see. 

V2

I go to the store to pick up some beer 

And you're strolling down aisle number three 

Wearing an old t-shirt and faded blue jeans 

Lookin' just as sexy as can be. 

Chorus

Why can't you leave me alone 

Honey why can't you just let me be 

When I'm driving around allover town 

You're the one that I always see. 

V3

Then I go to the bar and again there you are 

Sittin' there on the barstool 

It just seems to me that you're following me 

Do you take me for some kind of fool? 

Chorus

Why can't you leave me alone 

Honey why can't you just let me be 

When I'm driving around allover town 

You're the one that I always see.