Semifinalists
We'll Go Away As Friends by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
Shadows on the Wall by George Puccini, Las Vegas, NV
Body Surfing by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx
In A Heartbeat by Dana Young, Anthony, KS
All of You by Jenifer Christmas, Arverne, NY
Don't Play That Song by Dana Young, Anthony, KS
My Momma, (She Really Loved To Dance) by Fremont Ashton, Englewood, FL
I was Only Trying to Help Her Make Up My Mind by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ
The Homecoming Dance by Lisa Simmons, Lewisville, Tx
Jesus Rides this Freight Train With Me by Tony McCall, Brisbane, Australia
Fade by Ryan Eichenwaid, Dallas, Tx
WINNERS
There were a lot of good lyric entries this quarter and it was hard to choose. I will critique as I type and use a parenthesis to remove a word or phrase or add a word. Sometimes I add or remove a word to make meters match.
1ST PLACE
WE'LL GO AWAY AS FRIENDS by Bill Kapac
This is a well crafted song with a lot of emotion. There are a lot of "break-up" songs but this one had an upbeat twist.
VERSE 1
Love doesn't disappear, it (just) slowly fades away
The feelings will go, but the memories all stay
Our life as one is over, in the morning I'll be gone
We're going our separate ways, we're both moving on (we'll both be moving on)
VERSE 2
We could try again tomorrow, but tomorrows never come
They just become today and that's what we're running from
I lie staring at the ceiling, next to your bed
With the sound of the past ringing (over) in my head
CHORUS
Hold me through the night I ask, stay until it ends
Kiss me in the morning and we'll go away as friends
Life can be so crazy, we could fall in love again
Walk me to the door and we'll go away as friends
VERSE 3
I turn and try to talk as the strength drains from my voice
There's no turning back now, we've already made that choice
I'm thinking to myself, should we give it one more try
But I won't say a word, (I don't want her to see me cry) can't let her see me cry
REPEAT CHORUS
2ND PLACE
SHADOWS ON THE WALL by George Puccini
These lyrics are original and paint a good visual picture. They also show emotion.
VERSE 1
An old photograph, a song from the past
Her laugh that lingers like a haunting (tune) melody
The scent of her hair surrounding me here
Like the shadows on the wall I see
VERSE 2
I look and she's there, asleep in my chair
I call her name and reach to touch her cheek
Then my cigarette flames and eerily frames
The shadows on the wall (around me) that can't speak
BRIDGE
I know the shadows taunt me as they haunt me
Now that she's gone
They bring her face before me just to warm me
Then they flicker and move on
VERSE 3
As my cigarette dies, alone in the night
I'll watch the silhouettes dance on the wall
Just old memories of what (life) used to be
Shadows on the wall and me
REPEAT BRIDGE
As my cigarette dies, alone in the night
I'll watch the silhouettes dance on the wall
Just old memories of what (life) used to be
Shadows on the wall
Shadows on the wall
Shadows on the wall and me
3RD PLACE
BODY SURFING by Larry Dodge
This is a very original and well crafted song. It might be a little too sexy to be commercial but it is certainly well written and a fun song. Catchy tune something Brad Paisley would do - a few words could be changed, but structure seems good and somewhat original.
Verse 1:
I love the ocean and my baby does too
Beaches and breakers and water so blue
Barbecues and blankets on our favorite turf
But the highest high is when we body surf
Ramp:
There's really nothing like it when we catch a wave
We ride it 'til it breaks , but pretty quickly we crave
Another wave, even bigger, they'll challenge our skill
Until we crash, exhausted, and fall asleep lying still
Chorus:
No board needed, it just gets in the way
Of total immersion in the foam and spray
Ride the rhythm of the ocean 'til the dance is through
Oh Baby, I love BODY SURFING with you
Verse 2:
Now Baby and I we live far from the shore
And we rarely have time to make the trip anymore
But we don't need breakers, except in our head
We get the same kind of thrills here at home instead
[Repeat ramp and chorus]
Tag:
No, there's really nothing better when the day is through
Oh Baby, I love BODY SURFING with you!
HONORABLE MENTION
This was a hard decision as there were many lyrics that deserved to be honored. After re-reading many songs several times, I finally decided on
IN A HEARTBEAT by Dana Young, Anthony, KS
These were catchy lyrics with an upbeat message. I would suggest that you shorten the verses to 6 lines instead of 8. Also the bridge should be changed to read:
Faster than a jet plane
In the blink of an eye
I fell for you
Now honey, that's no lie
VERSE
When I first met you
Didn't know much about love
Just having a good time
Was all that I could think of
Then I met you baby
And I fell hard and fast
Would I do it all again girl
You don't even have to ask.
CHORUS
In a heartbeat
In a split second
Like a flashoof lightening
Honey there's no question
In a heartbeat.
VERSE
After we were married
And I was gonna be a dad
Didn't know if I was ready
I admit I was scared
But the first time that I saw her
Such tiny hands and feet
I fell in love again
In a heartbeat.
CHORUS
In a heartbeat
In a split second
Like a flashoof lightening
Honey there's no question
In a heartbeat.
BRIDGE
Faster than a jet plane
In the blink of an eye
Like the flutter of a bird's wing
Now honey that's no lie.
CHORUS
In a heartbeat
In a split second
Like a flash of lightening
Honey there's no question
In a heartbeat
I'd do it in a heartbeat.
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