Enter Today.

Lyricists! Here’s your chance to shine! Enter The Dallas Songwriters Quarterly Lyric Contest Entry fee is $10 per lyric.

Quarterly Entry Deadlines: Winter - March 31 * Spring - June 30 * Summer - September 30 * Fall - December 31


PRIZES TO BE AWARDED

Of course the MAIN prize is what we ALL aspire to:

RECOGNITION FOR OUR LYRICAL WORK!

ALSO: The 1st place winning lyricist receives:

A certificate, $50 cash and a 1 year DSA membership.

The 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winner's lyrics and judges critiques will be published in the DSA “Songwriters Notes” and on the DSA Website.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

2012 Winter Lyric Contest Winners


We had entries from the US, UK, Australia & Canada.

SEMIFINALISTS
Saints & Sinners by John Walsh, Sydney Australia
You've Caught a Keeper by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx
Will Two Rights Make A Wrong? by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx
An App For You by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx
Acre of You by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx
Ariel - No Guns & Such by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx

WINNERS

I will critique as I type.  Parenthesis means remove the word.

FIRST PLACE

WILL TWO RIGHTS MAKE A WRONG?
   by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

This is a clever song and I couldn't find much to change which is why it took First Place 

VERSE 1
Well, I was raised up to believe
Two wrongs won't make a right
So is it wrong for us to meet
And hold each other tight tonight
Your man used (you) and abused you
Now that sure as hell was wrong
My wife cheated on me many times
While stringing me along

PRE CHORUS
Here we are in a hotel room
Starved for love but also scared
That tomorrow we'll feel guilty
About the lovin' that we shared

CHORUS  A little too long since your verses are long
Will two rights make a wrong?
That's the question on our minds
I'm right for you, you're right for me
And we've left two wrongs behind
(We've earned the right to be here
Right here's (right) where we belong)
Will we start something right tonight..or
Will two rights make a wrong?

VERSE 2
Let me make a sweet suggestion
Since we're singing the same song
Let's place our bets against regrets
We've been hurtin' way too long
I ache to touch and hold you
(The)My lovin' feelin' is so strong
I say let's kiss and take the risk
Two rights won't make a wrong

REPEAT PRE CHORUS AND CHORUS

TAG
Yeah, let's find out without a doubt
Will two rights make a wrong?

Judge #2 - Catchy lyrics. Really liked the chorus. 

SECOND PLACE
This is also a cute song that didn't need changing.

AN APP FOR YOU
  by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

VERSE 1
I watch you swivel by
And it's love at first look
Gonna try to meet you
By hook or by crook

VERSE 2
 (Popping) Flipping open the cover
Of my mobile device
Hoping it will help me
By offering advice

RAMP
Looking hard for an app 
That will give me a clue
On how to catch your eye
I need an APP FOR YOU

CHORUS
Got apps for sports and movies
Music,games and book reviews
Apps for figuring my taxes
Weather reports, daily news
Apps for almost anything
I can think of, yes, it's true
But to download your sweet love
Gotta find an APP FOR YOU

VERSE 3
An app just for you, babe
Social networks won't do
I'm begging my touch screen
To show an APP FOR YOU


REPEAT CHORUS

Judge #2  - Great idea for a song, but I would change a couple of lines in the first verse, "I watch you walk by, and its love at first sight, gonna try to meet you, I hope its tonight", 2nd verse, first line, I would say "I flip open my mobile device". The rest of the song works pretty well.


THIRD PLACE
I usually don't critique the third place winner but it's a fun song and I had some suggestions.

YOU'VE CAUGHT A KEEPER
  by Larry Dodge, Dallas, Tx

VERSE 1
First you play me like a fish
And you've really got the knack
Every time you catch me
You find something that I lack
Don't know why you (try to) treat me
Like the one that got away
(I'd like it better if you angled
For a way to make me stay)
Why don't you just throw out a line
As a way to make me stay

VERSE 2
Been hoping that you'll keep me
Finish reelin' in my heart
I took the bait you offered
You've played me from the start
Am I just (too small) not right for keepin'
(Or too much for you to pack)
I need to know the facts
Why (do) you keep on fishin'
If you're (just) gonna throw me back

RAMP  Leave this out.  Your verses are long and it would be better if you could shorten them to 6 lines.

CHORUS  Needs to be shorter with the "hook" up front
I've got a better idea
Take me home tonight
Get hooked on each other
Give up without a fight
Take our own sweet time
To set our hooks in deeper
Let me ease your mind
YOU'VE CAUGHT A KEEPER

MY CHORUS
Yeah, You've caught a keeper
Why can't you see
In no time at all
You'll be hooked on me
Cause I'm a keeper
Yeah, You caught a keeper

Leave Verse 3 out

VERSE 4 (3 now)
If you try me, you might like me
I'm not fishy like you think
But I'm tired of getting caught
And (then) thrown back in the drink
(I'll even let you take my photo
Pin it up with a thumbtack
To remind you of the big one
That you didn't throw back)
I think you might be sorry
If you throw me back someday
Cause I'll just take off swimming
You let the best one get away

REPEAT CHORUS

Judge #2 - Hook is great. Lost me on the ramp & verse 3 & 4. I would not make reference to the lake or swimming, instead I would make reference as to what a great catch you are and she'd be a fool to  let you go - catch and release angle. I would also do some re-phrasing in verse 4 & 5. But overall good start on some "catchy" lyrics

HONORABLE MENTION

SAINTS and SINNERS 
                  by John Walsh, Sydney Australia 

I really liked the first verse and chorus. I would rewrite the other verses leaving references to religion out.  



HONORABLE MENTION




ACRE OF YOU 
by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx


The lyrics of this song caught my attention, simple but had impact.

Ariel - No Guns & Such by Michael Junek, Cameron, Tx
Really like this song. Very poetic. Form is good.

2 comments:

Brandy Cross said...

you know I don't really agree with the shortening the lyrics on the 'hooked' song, the original was a great deal better than your suggestion and sometimes songs need a little extra length. however; I do feel that the song could have used a tiny bit of re-wording

rotate web technologies said...
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