Winners of the 2012 Summer Lyric Contest

SemiFinalists

1. The Only Heart You Had Was Mine by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

2. It's Only Country When It's Real by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

2. Gimme a Big City by John Thomas Lane, Monument, Co

3. What Woman Can Make You Do by  Ross Smith, Lewisville, Tx

HM Your Flight Has Just Been Cancelled by Lenny Soloman, Cambridge, MAS

HM. I'd Marry You Again (The Anniversary Song) by Bill Hoover, Hendersonville, NV

HM The Fracking Song  by Lenny Soloman, Cambridge, MAS

The End of A Dream by Roy Williams, Woodbridge, ONT, CAN

Back To Work by Landon Ray Lewis, Waco, Tx

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WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

1. The Only Heart You Had Was Mine

The theme of this song isn't new but it was written in such a clever way. I added some words (in parenthesis) to match the line meters.

THE ONLY HEART YOU HAD WAS MINE  by © Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

CHORUS

The only heart you had was mine

How was I to know

That all the love you gave to me

Was just part of your show

I believed every word you said

You fooled me all that time

It hurt me to find out

The only heart you had was mine

VERSE 1

You looked too good to be true

(It) turns out I was right

You were wearing a disguise

When I (first) saw you that night

(I thought) everything was perfect

(But you're) my worst mistake

I couldn't tell by looking

That everything was fake

VERSE 2

I thought my eyes betrayed me

An angel here on earth

I had to try my luck

And see what she was worth

(I knew) something wasn't right

But I couldn't find the clue

And I wouldn't find a heart

If I could see through you

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 3

Your magic melted quickly

Like ice cream in the sun

I was looking for a heart

In a place there was none

Your beauty was impossible

And could tear (any) man apart

You had everything you needed

All except a heart

REPEAT CHORUS

SECOND PLACE

It's a good country song but it's too long.  I'd leave out verse 2 and 3.  I've changed some wording (in parenthesis) to make the meters match.

IT'S ONLY COUNTRY WHEN IT'S REAL © by Bill Kapac, Williamstown, NJ

CHORUS

It's only country when it's real

Not what you wear but how you feel

You don't need no boots or hat

Real don't have to look like that

VERSE 1

This music's yours as well as mine

No one's voice is left behind

(When) It's (comes) from the heart and makes you feel

You'll know it's country when it's real

VERSE 2  leave this verse out

If it's rocking and knockin' and carries a beat

You'll know it's real when you move your feet

You might hear some fiddle and a little guitar

When it's played in Church or some honky tonk bar

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 3  leave this verse out

It don't matter where you're from

Just clap your hands or beat that drum

And if you got no rhythm  just sing along

Or stomp your feet, you can't go wrong

VERSE 4

You don't need a gun or pick-up truck

No worn out story about bad luck

Country music's still around

Cause everybody loves that sound

VERSE 5

Country music's recipe

It's (is a song) about life an' you and me

You can serve it soft or play it loud

When it's real country, just sing it proud

REPEAT CHORUS

Gimme a Big City

Songs about city life intrigue me a topic, because it's usually the rustic country life thatgets romanticized in songs. I'm glad to see someone take the other side (and not just because I'm a city person myself). Good use of unique language ("shadows of steel," "twing of sadness") that make this particular song poetic in its own way. There are two examples I would warn against, though, if it were me writing this song. In the chorus and verse #2, the A and B rhymes, while different, are very similar, and that's very tough to pull off. Glow/gold and grow/go are just very similar songs that aren't all quite the same, which leads me to believe it wasn't intentional. Same thing in the chorus: Feed/me and concrete/meet share the same vowel sounds but according to the scheme are different rhymes. There are a lot of different other sounds you might think about using to differentiate these rhyme sounds. But excellent work nonetheless. There are some great, specific images of city life here that work very well.

GIMME A BIG CITY  by © John Thomas Lane, Monument, Co

I wanna be a face in the crowd

Walking with people talking out loud

Feeling the thunder beneath my feet

I don’t want quiet, I don’t need peace

Shadows of steel painted in neon glow
Running like rivers thru streets of gold

My heart is racing, hunger starting to grow
This big city appetite just won’t let go

So gimme a big city habit to feed
Everything I want is waiting for me

Strolling 5^th Avenue concrete

Rubbing elbows with people I’ll never meet

Show me a playground as big as the ocean

Don’t step back, it’s all forward motion

A sea of people going the same way

Riding on top of a big city wave

Hook-me-up with a city

Moving to a hip hop beat 

A city that knows how to 

Bounce to reggae heat

A city rocking to country and Springsteen

Grooving to sweet smooth jazz suites

So gimme a big city habit to feed
Everything I want is waiting for me

Strolling 5^th Avenue concrete

Rubbing elbows with people I’ll never meet

Show me a playground as big as the ocean

Don’t step back, it’s all forward motion

A sea of people going the same way

Riding on top of a big city wave

Brother can you spare some change

Might sound a little strange

In the big city that’s just the welcoming committee

Lonely people shouting I’m walking here, I’m walking here

A hint of madness, a twinge of sadness

Just part of the circus atmosphere there’s nothing to fear

So gimme a big city habit to feed
Everything I want is waiting for me

Strolling 5^th Avenue concrete

Rubbing elbows with people I’ll never meet

Show me a playground as big as the ocean

Don’t step back, it’s all forward motion

A sea of people going the same way

Riding on top of a big city wave

THIRD PLACE

WHAT A WOMAN CAN MAKE YOU DO by © Ross Smith, Lewisville, Tx

The idea in this song is good but it needs some work.  The lines in each verse are too long and could be shortened to give them more punch. Also, I'd leave out "Never thought I'd give in" and skip to "Guess I never knew what a woman can make you do". I'd also make the last verse a "tag" and shorten it to 2 lines and then back to the chorus.

HONORABLE MENTION

YOUR FLIGHT HAS JUST BEEN CANCELED by © Lenny Soloman, Cambridge, MAS

This was a fun song that many people, including me, can connect with today. It's probably not a mainstream commercial song but put it up on utube and see how many hits you get.

HM  I'd Marry You Again (The Anniversary Song) by © Bill Hoover, Hendersonville, NV

It's difficult to write a love song that's in any way original. What this writer does well is take a common subject and express it in an interesting ways. There are

interesting rhymes all over the place (lottery/away from me/poverty), although I'd challenge the writer to come up with something other than world/girl, because

that's very overused as a rhyme. The song manages to be heartfelt without being sappy, primarily because it doesn't take itself too seriously (see verse #4). Good work. It's

hard to get me to actually like a love song!

HM The Fracking Song by © Lenny Soloman, Cambridge, MAS

I admit, I'm a sucker for topical songs. There are so many trite topics about which to write songs that finding something like this is really good for songwriting in general.

If I were editing the song in the future, though, one thing I would look at it is rhyme scheme and whether AABB throughout is how you really want to go. There are a lot of other interesting rhyme schemes from which to choose! However, I do understood the impetus to keep topical songs like this as simple as possible. Topical songs can be difficult to pull off for a number of reasons, first among which is difficult of avoiding being preachy, and I think the writer does that well. The writer has a point he or she wants to make, but doesn't take that viewpoint so seriously and ardently that it remains inaccessible for the listener.